Infrequent postings on life with my husband, our four kids, two dogs, and a bird. Life is messy, our house is loud.
You know you're commited to blogging every single day when you're willing to risk waking up your almost 10 month old (in 42 minutes exactly) with the sound of your typing in the guest room of your parents house.
Last year, just because, Daniel ordered me a surprise. The moment I saw the shape of the box I had an idea what it was. I opened the box excited to see what new vinyl my husband thought I would enjoy. KEB' MO' : "BLUESAMERICANA"
Hmm. I do not know this Keb Mo. I wonder why Daniel sent me this. Let me just flip it over and read the song titles and see if he is trying to send me a message: The Worst Is Yet To Come Somebody Hurt You Do It Right I'm Gonna Be Your Man Move For Better Or Worse That's Alright The Old Me Better More For Your Money So Long Goodbye
Ummmmm. Sooooo? I....
So I sent him a text. I can't remember what It said, but I think I asked him if everything was alright and I think he said something that indicated it was and why, so I said I just got my Amazon package... If I remember correctly, he sent back a smiley face and asked me if I liked it. Ummm... yes... So I listed a few of the songs and he asked me what they were and long story short…
Today wasn't an easy day. I mean, if we're being honest (and that's what this is) it hasn't been an easy TIME. Being back in California has its positives (I'm looking at you, friends) but it's also been a huge stress. We miss Texas - almost everything about it, actually - but especially the life we built there, our community, the great activities for our family and the cost of living. I feel like I'm supposed to stop there and it's not polite to talk about money, or politics, or religion, but UGH. It's expensive to live here. Really expensive. And if we're being really REALLY honest, we're struggling. Dogs getting cancer and roofs needing to be replaced and relocating is expensive. State income taxes are no joke. Having four kids isn't the cheapest choice. We're managing and we'll get by, but it's stressful.
Personally, I'm struggling because I feel useless. Like I am not contributing to my family. And before you tell me…
The Animal Hospital where we took Bailey called a couple weeks ago to let us know that her ashes were ready to pick up. I told them I'd be there the next day and I realized later that was a lie. My heart felt heavy when I heard their words. I didn't feel ready to bring her back home because I knew I wasn't really bringing her home. She's gone.
So I waited. And each day I drove by that place where I left a piece of my heart, I felt heavier and heavier. So I started taking a different route to and from Finnegan's school. If I took a different road, I could try to forget that place and what we did there. I could try to push away that sadness.
But the thing is, I couldn't. I can't. I feel that sadness every day. When I see another Boston Terrier. When the girls call for their Bailey and are confused when we tell them she is gone and can't come back, not ever. When Finnegan tells me he thinks Maxie is lonely and needs a friend again.
I forced myself to dri…