Inevitably Keely

Finn didn't start talking as soon as Zoe did - he didn't need to. Zoe would talk for herself and for him and he seemed alright with that set up for a while. And then slowly the watchful boy started making up his own language. Zoe caught on quickly, helping us translate and so began "Finn speak". "Bye-bye's" were any type of transportation there was, but now they're just cars. He says airplane, truck, bus, train now. He will also say "I wanna go bye-bye." which means exactly what it sounds like or it means he wants to go to the car. "Nigh-nigh" is bedtime and bedroom (it's a universal term). "Zoo-ee" is Zoe "Ra-ra's" are dogs and sometimes they're lions too, but only sometimes. He says Mama, Mom, Dad, Daddy, Baba, Nana, Grammy, Cheryl and Chuck. He says Yes, No, Please, Thank you, Welcome, I love you and I'm sorry. "Juice" is any liquid. Recently, he...

Keeping up with blogging is hard work when you've got 2 kids (a PRESCHOOLER and a toddler, no less) running around. I know there are all sorts of Mommy Bloggers out there doing it and doing it well. I admire those women immensely because I have a hard time finding the time. You know, with all my time playing those damn games on facebook. Ahem. Factor in that our accident just put me in a really bad place and it's taken me a while to want to sit down and write more than a few sentences at a time in a status update. For a long time, I was more comfortable with my "audience" being people I had actually met in my life along with a few blogger friends that I just admire and adore. But I've missed some of the connections I'd made. I missed that feeling of accomplishment when I published a post and put it out there for whomever to see. I've missed keeping up with my blog roll and reading what you guys have to say because you all inspire me and make me laugh. So I...

It's a little bit surreal taking your first born to her first day of preschool. Where she will be away for six hours, learning and growing with people and children who are (not yet, at least) friends or family. Watching her walk to her classroom and then through the gate and then the door, it was like I was literally watching her grow up before my eyes. For an instant, I flashed forward to the first day of kindergarten, high school graduation, college graduation, wedding day, the day she tells me I'll be a grandmother (EEK!). And the next thing I knew, she was telling me she'd see me later and that she loved me. "Bye bye, Mommy." When we walked into the preschool director's office, my eyes welled up. Zoe is not a baby anymore! She's not even a toddler. How did that happen so fast? We've been promising Zoe preschool since we started potty training her. She's never been intimidated by the idea of leaving us and going to school. She was so determined,...

I've been sans kids all day because I'm dealing with a stomach bug. I've got to say, if I didn't feel so horrible, it would be pretty great. And I feel a little bit bad for typing that. Except, I don't... not really, really bad anyway. I think I put unrealistic expectations on myself. Since having Finnegan, I have only been alone for a hand full of days. Since having him, I rarely get breaks. I am rarely not attached to one or both kids. And this might be too much information, but it is a rare treat if I get to go to the bathroom by myself. Before you say, that's what being a mom is... I know. I know, and I love it. But everyone has their breaking point. Everyone needs to take a day here and there to relax. Hell, not necessarily an entire day - I'd take a couple hours a week! Being a stay at home mom, despite what some people may think - is physically and emotionally exhausting. While I love what I get to do and I am eternally grateful that I am able to stay...

One of my oldest and dearest friends is due this Monday with her 1st child, Oliver. She and I have had a lot of conversations about the crazy/rude things people say to expectant parents and about parenthood and I wanted to write her a note for her to be able look back on. I remember how anxious I was in the days before Zoe (and even with my 2nd, Finn) and I wanted to send her something to help put her at ease and put a positive spin on this motherhood "thing". Being a mom isn't easy, but I truly think focusing on the joys and gifts of motherhood is the way to go instead of trying to scare people who have already decided to be parents.* Here's the letter: 2-3-2010 Dearest Ashley, I've been thinking a lot about you and Justin lately. I've been thinking about this great adventure you both have been having these last nine months and how very, very soon your adventure and your family will expand. Today you are just five days from your due date and since your son co...

If I'm not making the conscious effort not to think about Sunday, the memories rush at me vividly. I see the truck zooming towards us. I feel the breath taken away from me as I think we're going to be able to get out of his way and then the realization that we can't. I see his truck hit us as I'm twisting in my seat to grab for my children. I see Zoe's face. I see the truck. I feel the impact. I hear Finnegan screaming. I see Zoe's face. I hear the impact. And he hits us. It feels like he hits us again, and again, and again. I don't understand what is happening. Why is he hitting us over and over again?! I feel the hoarseness in my throat as I scream. I'm screaming over and over again. I'm yelling for God. I'm yelling for my little girl. I'm cursing the other driver. Why is he doing this to us?! I'm seeing Zoe's little face, it is contorted, sobbing, screaming. I'm hearing my children screaming and crying with me. I can't hear...

It's been a while. I've been busy. Having two kids isn't easy... I am grateful I have such an amazing partner - in parenthood and life. I laugh every single day. I also teach, learn, and grow as my children do before my eyes. Speaking of... I wish I had a camera built into my eyes so I could capture every single moment. These are the days I want to remember always. This is hard work, but so worth it.

In a matter of days, Finnegan will be three months old. That is so crazy for me to even imagine. In some ways it feels like he has been a part of our family for years, like his place is with me and Daniel and his sister. Like there was always this place carved out for him with us and he is exactly where he is supposed to be. And sometimes I look at him and how much he has grown and how interactive he has become and I ask him how this is even possible because we just brought him home! He is supposed to be little and delicate, but he isn't. He is my big, strong, three month old with a killer smile, flirty eyes, quick temper and lively personality. Things weren't easy at first. For the first few weeks that Finnegan was home, I cried every single day. I cried when Zoe cried and when Finnegan cried. I cried when I was away from Zoe. I cried when I needed a break. I cried because of television shows and movies. I cried because we had ants in the house. I cried because I was exhausted...

It was just me and the little guy today. We hung out, we ran some errands and went shopping. He was an angel. Today he is 4 weeks old. I cannot believe how much he has already changed and grown... how well he holds his head up; how he seems to win at every staring contest. He's such a joy, even at 3 a.m feedings. :) We did the photobooth thing this afternoon while we were waiting for Daniel to get home with Zoe. I call this time our calm time... before the house is filled with Zoe's squeals, laughter and chatter. I love the house when we're all in it, but I'm making it a point to cherish these moments as well.

Today... I took a long hot shower while my kids slept in. I got my camera out for the second time in two days so that I could photograph Zoe holding her little brother for the first time. Zoe was thrilled to be given the opportunity to hold him in her arms and Finnegan was surprisingly comfortable with his big sister. It was a great moment for me. I had to practically pry Finn from Zoe's arms when the hugging got just a little out of control. I watched Annie for the billionth time with Zoe while I held Finn in one arm and edited photos with the other. Being a mother of two has taught me the real meaning of multi-tasking. I juggled both children with ease. I read to Zoe while I held her brother in my arms. I was able to set Finn down in his swing for an hour and go help Zoe put her pink tutu on so we could dance together in her room while bad pop music played on her Hello Kitty boom box. We also had a mini photo shoot just the two of us where she hammed it up for my camera. It wa...

Last night around 11, Zoe woke up in tears. We hadn't turned her humidifier on (which seems to be a must have these days) and she was having a coughing fit and trouble breathing through her nose. Daniel was in her room first (he moves faster than I do now and I always try to hold back just a moment because my first inclination is to run to her when she cries and she knows this). I followed quickly and just in time to see her projectile spit up in her crib (hey, being a parent is glamorous). The two of us cleaned her up, kissed and hugged her, and told her everything was going to be OK. And then I took her into our room while Daniel cleaned up inside her crib a bit and filled the humidifier. I rocked her in the new chair that we got to use for Finnegan (the wood glider we'd gotten when I was pregnant with Zoe just isn't comfortable). The chair has since become the family chair and my favorite place in the house to hold my fast growing daughter. She had barely woken up durin...

Tonight was our fifth rehearsal for Imaginary Friends. We have sixteen more before we open. OMG! Sixteen, that's it. There are parts of me that are enjoying this process immensely. Getting to work with these talented people in a theatre that I have wanted to work in since I first saw a show there almost five years ago is very cool. Having to do research on the amazing Mary McCarthy and trying to understand how she worked and why she had this feud with Lillian Hellman has been very enriching and interesting. Both women were forces to be reckoned in the literary community. I admire them both, but would have liked Mary more, I think: possibly because she is who I am playing. This play is pushing me in different ways than shows I've done in the past. No, I do not have to do the Cha Cha while dealing with my first trimester of pregnancy and the singing shouldn't be too difficult (no harder than any of the opera's I've been in, I'm sure). I will have to smoke on stage...