Monday, June 23, 2008

Six

Six years ago yesterday I drove into Bakersfield with all of my belongings shoved into my Honda CR-V. I had decided on a whim, really, that I was going to start over here while living with my best friend from high school and a friend of hers. Coincidentally, (or maybe not) that day also happened to be the day that would have been my sixth wedding anniversary if I'd not gotten up the nerve to leave six months prior.

Ooh, see the repeating sixes?* Freaky!

ANYWAY!

Oddly enough, six months later (See! SEE?) I met Daniel and fell truly, madly, deeply in love. In a little less than six months, we will have been a couple for six years.

If I had t choose anywhere in the world to live, Bakersfield would not be at the top of my list, but over the last six years this city has become a home to me and my family. When I drove into this city and unloaded my car, I was lost and scared and really didn't have much direction. I became who I am here. I met my partner, regained my self confidence, made friends, extended my extended family and became a mother here. No matter where our lives take us, a part of me will always be grateful for the time I spent here and - I never thought I'd say this: Bakersfield will always be a special place for me.

*Six might just be my lucky number.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Happy Father's Day!

This Father's Day was about celebrating our decision to become parents together, about what an amazing Daddy my husband is and about how we are better parents to Zoe (and the dog children) because we have each other as partners. Truth is, I am a good mother because I have Daniel to back me up and take the lead when I need him to. Happy Father's Day, love. We're all ("Dos" too) so lucky to have you.

Father's Day 2008


Sweet Bailey


P.S I'm not neglecting Max, he was just being camera shy today.

Also, Click on one of the collages to see all of the photos I took today.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Another Observation

A friend commented that every pregnancy is different. And she's right. There are parts of this pregnancy (or at least my first trimester) that are easier because I know what to expect and there are other parts that are harder because... they just are.

What I'm not sure I made clear is that I really do love being pregnant. But you can love something and acknowledge that it's not always the easiest thing in the world.

What I love most about being pregnant is bringing a child into this world. My life was good before I was Zoe's mom, but the quality of my enjoyment and appreciation for life has increased exponentially with every day I spend with my daughter. It's not always easy (my pregnancy/being a mom), but I knew after a week with Zoe (actually, before she was even born) that I wanted to do this all over again at least once (maybe even two or three more times).

There is no pregnancy symptom or effect that can take that away from me. In fact, the thing that gets me through a particularly bad day or the idea of taking my blood five plus times a day and giving myself insulin shots in my belly before I go to sleep is that I wanted this more than anything in the world and fate or God or life saw fit to give it to me. Every rough day makes me more appreciative of those blissful moments where I feel fabulous or when Zoe does something amazing like stand up and walk so fast she's almost running to whatever has caught her eye. I'm living the life I always wanted. I have no regrets and I never for a moment have not been grateful for the life I have now.

So, don't get me wrong. I adore being pregnant - but I wouldn't be me and I wouldn't be honest if I didn't talk about the hard stuff too. I think shedding a light on the difficult things in life (and then saying that I'd do it all again in another couple years regardless of the obstacles) can be just as inspiring as only talking about the joys life brings.

An Observation

The other night while I was feeling particularly crappy and tired and sick and nauseated I looked at my husband and said something similar to this:

You know, I forgot how hard it is to be pregnant. I mean, I remember the first trimester with Zoe saying "This is hard! People don't really tell you how hard it is!". But for reals now. You go and have your first baby and you relish that experience of being pregnant and sharing your body with your offspring, and then you get to enjoy this little version of you and your partner out in the real world. Occasionally, you find yourself feeling those phantom kicks you were so used to feeling regularly during the third trimester. Your hand naturally finds it way to your belly, (as does your partners) remembering how it felt to have a baby in there. And your child amazes you so and brings so much joy and love into your life that you imagine how lovely it would be to have more. You miss being pregnant. You want your child to have siblings, you start imagining a larger family. You recall pregnancy as this peaceful wonderful time of relaxation, fun food cravings, doctor's appointments, maternity clothes, decorating, shopping, planning, miracle of life, joy ride where the biggest obstacle is all those strangers who have no qualms telling you how large you are and/or reaching out to touch your belly. And you think, we can do this! Pregnancy is easy! Let's have a baby... NOW!

Let me tell you:

I had an awesome time getting pregnant with "Numero Dos". It was A LOT of fun. Seriously. And peeing on that stick and finding out we were having another baby was one of the best mornings I've had in a while. Our first appointment with our OB/GYN was great because we got to see one of our favorite people here in Bakersfield. The man I would love to deliver all of my children because I think he is just a wonderful doctor. I look forward to all those prenatal appointments, getting to hear our baby's heartbeat and the ultrasounds. I'm excited to decorate for the new baby. I can't wait for Zoe to meet her sibling - she's been practicing with a baby doll for the last few weeks and it's precious. Being pregnant again is truly a blessing and I'm thrilled.

But being pregnant isn't all fun and games. I forgot how bad the nausea can be. I forgot the moodiness... and the constipation... and hemorrhoids. I forgot just how tiring it all can be!

I told all of this to Daniel and then said "This is not to be used against me when I say I want a third child!"

We laughed and he sympathized with me and that was that, but I've been thinking about that conversation for a few days now. I think there is something in us that makes us forget how hard it all can be so that we're able to do it again. I think that if I remembered every single detail of my first pregnancy I might have been scared to do it all again. And I think that maybe, we need to be more candid with other women and specifically teens about how hard it is to bring a child into the world. I can't even imagine what this would be like if I were sixteen, unprepared and didn't have a supportive partner like Daniel.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Our Little Movie Star

Daniel danced with Zoe last night (as we celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary) :



See more Zoe videos HERE.

Go on, watch them. If you like kids even a little bit, they might make you smile.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Three

Three years ago I was in San Antonio, Texas with my then fiance and our friends and family. I was getting my nails done with my pal Mel while my soon to be father in law was giving my other bridesmaids a tour of the Alamo. I was not nervous to be making this huge commitment to Daniel because I knew we were supposed to be exactly where we were, but I was stressing about the small details.

The rest of that day is actually a blur to me. I know we all drove out for the rehearsal. I remember going to eat afterwards and spending the evening crawling around under tables with Ariel (our friend's Lee (who married us) and Brooke's daughter). I remember Matt and Evan playing with Star Wars figures at our table, making them sit on water glasses, etc. I remember wishing we'd had someone taking pictures of that dinner. Afterwards, we drove back downtown and spent the evening wading through crowds in the King Williams District for First Friday. We sat at Madhatter's drinking Shiner and taking funny pictures and then I think we went back to our room and tried to relax.

The night before our wedding

I remember going to bed that night with butterflies in my stomach. Not because I was nervous, but because I was so excited to marry Daniel in front of our friends and family. We were about to embark on this great adventure and I was so excited to do so.

Three years ago I was about to make the most important commitment of my entire life to my best friend and partner. I hadn't written my vows yet, (I didn't until a few hours before the wedding) but I was not worried because my heart knew exactly what it needed to say.

I love you, Daniel.