Inevitably Keely

Since our wreck in September, it is absolutely impossible for me to not think about what happened at least once a day. I know that might sound excessive and it doesn't exactly sound like I've moved on... but it's true and I mostly have. Mostly. I still get headaches. I still have flashbacks. I still hear the sounds associated with the accident, all of them. I still feel nauseated when I see an accident on a television show or movie. It's hard for me to talk about what happened without getting emotional, and I never know if I'm going to get angry or cry about it, or both. Last Friday we had to take Zoe for a CT of her head. We've known since November that we needed to do it, but the doc said we'd could hold off for a bit because we knew it was going to be traumatic for all of us. And then it was like we were sick for 3 months straight because, all four us... we pretty much were sick November til oh, right now. So anyway, we'd been told they would use cons...

So, last night after I'd finished reading some bedtime stories to Zoe and while I was singing her some of her favorite "nigh-nigh" songs, we heard Finn crying. The crying a mama hears and knows that her baby is hurt*... but I didn't rush in because I knew he was with his Daddy and was being taken care of. Zoe had been nearly asleep. She was at that stage where she was petting my hand as I sang and sort of fighting the inevitable like she's done since she was an infant. She would open her eyes and stare at me when I'd stop singing and then when I'd start again, her eyes would sort of move side to side like a Cylon and then roll back a bit before they closed. Yes. THAT tired. No, it's not creepy, it's endearing. Anyway. Finn's tears startled us both a bit, but I had her needs to think about too so I tried to soothe her. Zoe wasn't having it though. She sat up straight and looked at me: "Finnegan's crying, Mommy!" "I know. B...

For the last couple months I've been trying to make taking Zoe to story time a part of our "Girl's Day" ritual. It gives Zoe an opportunity to interact with kids her age: sing, dance, play, and listen to a story. I like to make it a big event for her: I get her up, put her in a cute dress, attempt to do her hair and then we go to Starbucks for a special treat before we head to the "main event". Last week, we had Finnegan with us since their 3rd grandma (a very special lady who has become our kid's surrogate grandma since we have no family here in Bakersfield) was taking a much deserved week off. I was a little worried how it would all go since Zoe is used to it being "our thing" and well, I wasn't sure how Finn would be with the large crowd. First stop: Starbucks. We forgo the drive-thru and always go inside on our "Girl's" mornings. It gives Zoe a chance to be more independent. She's very friendly with all the customers a...

Zoe is in her Jumperoo (the biggest toy, EVER) watching Shrek 2. She's talking to the movie and dancing up and down like she's having the time of her life. This is a relief because a half hour ago she was not happy laying down, standing up or sitting. She was crying. She was screaming. She was laughing. Yup. Laughing, and then crying. Our little monkey sometimes has trouble making up her mind what emotion she wants to er, emote. When all else fails, she likes to spring them all on me one after the other and see how I handle it. And then? And then she likes to mix things up a bit by throwing up all over herself and me. The dogs love this, especially Max who always runs over to help me clean up the mess. And Zoe? Zoe seems to like it too. Maybe it's the loud "Ew!" or "Yucky, Zoe." that make her smile the sweetest (sometimes sly) smiles at me. I'm not sure. All I know is I'm absolutely in love with her and that I smell like vomit. Yum. Sexy. I know...

In the interest of complete honesty, I'm going to come clean. Zoe has not slept through the night for the last six days. Nope. Not once. Apparently, if you take my baby on a weekend out of town you're going to totally screw with her schedule and screw yourself in the process. I'm stumped. And exhausted. And looking back at that post where I talked about our schedule with a little bit of nostalgia for the good ol' days and a little bit of contempt. And now for somne live blogging: Zoe and I are sitting out in the living room right this very moment. We've been out here for thirty minutes so far and I imagine we'll be here for at least another hour or so. She's slipping in and out of sleep. She has it made: mama's lap, binkie, some laptop mood lighting. She just spit her binkie out and is still sleeping... looks like I might be able to go to bed sooner than I thought. She is adorable, you know, She just smiled in her sleep. Oh! And she's awake again. Da...

Today you are two months and two days old. I had planned on writing this to you two days ago, but lately time has a way of getting away from me. Something to do with taking care of a baby, I think. It’s funny because from November 2005 to your birthday, time seemed to go a little bit slower. Your dad and I had a wonderful time together, (most definitely) but those nine months of trying to conceive and then those nine and a half months we waited for your arrival seemed to go at a snails pace sometimes. I worried we would never get to have you and then when we were told you were on your way, May 25th (your due date) couldn’t come quick enough. We wanted you to be healthy and happy, and we were so excited to meet you and hold you in our arms. Every day since you were born has been an adventure. Your dad and I were in awe of this little person we’d created. We were shocked when people would say how big you were (8lbs, 5ozs.) because you looked so fragile and tiny to us – our little one. At...

We got the sunglasses as a gift at our baby shower and I'd been holding off on using them (and I sort of forgot about them) until I saw the ADORABLE pics Torrie took of Willa. My camera phone is lousy (oh, iPhone how I covet thee) but this pic is so cute I had to share. I took it on the way out the door to meet Daniel for lunch and run errands. We went to Target and Zoe smiled and laughed at me while I pushed her in the cart while I made faces and talked to her. Cuteness overload. She's got her parents wrapped around her finger.

To answer Victoria's question, Zoe pretty much eats and sleeps when she wants to, but we have tried to follow somewhat of a routine. When Zoe wakes up in the morning she gets her diaper changed right away. We go straight from the bedroom to the living room and sit down for her morning feeding. Usually, the first feeding wears her out and she fights off sleep until she's out again (swaddling helps this along). If I'm lucky, she'll take her morning nap until about 11am and I have some time to either make up for lost sleep time or sit in front of my computer. Morning nap is followed by another diaper change and we dress her for the day. No more swaddling, her arms and legs are free to kick and push and explore. We typically do "lunch" and then she spends time "talking", smiling, laughing, posing for the camera, and staring at lights or at the sunlight from the window. She likes to look at me very seriously when I'm trying to make her laugh and she g...

THIS is my amazing SLEEPING daughter who slept through the night all week long! Last night she slept from 10:30pm until 8am! Tell me that is not the most amazing thing ever. Go ahead, tell me. I won't believe you.

We started the festivities early. I gave Daniel presents from me and Zoe on Friday: some video games, a couple cool t-shirts and a pair of shorts because it's so darn hot here. Figured giving him his presents early made sense so that he could enjoy them all weekend long. We did things at a slow pace: lots of relaxing, diaper changing, feedings, coffee, nap-taking. Daniel got to play Wii. On Sunday, we ventured out and I took some pictures of Daniel and our little one (and a few of me, too). We dressed her in a sundress, special for the occasion. Zoe didn't fuss the entire time, but she also didn't open her eyes for a single photo. Oh, well. She did stay sleeping so her dad and I could have a little date night and that was nice. We made taco salads (with my homemade guac, yum!) and watched "Catch & Release" from our Netflix queue. I'd say our first Father's Day with Zoe was a success.

More pics and "the birth story" to follow soon. Thank you so much for all your well wishes. We are enjoying every second of being Zoe's parents.

I've got to make this short, but Zoe is here with us. Daniel and I tried to keep everyone updated through the process with text messages, my "What am I doing" link and with phone calls to friends and family. I had a check up on Monday and our doc asked when I wanted to have the baby. I said today and laughed. He said if I was serious we could see if there was room at the birth center. Almost 48 hours later, Zoe arrived. There's a long detailed story that I'll tell someday, but for now I've got a baby that needs some loving. Thank you all for your well wishes and support through all of this. I'll post some pics as soon as I get some energy... which will be soon, right? Ha.

Last week Daniel and I decided we wanted to purchase Planet Earth (the BBC DVD) . We’d missed it on television because we don’t have cable but we had heard good things about it. After seeing a fifteen-minute preview last Thursday, we decided we needed it for our DVD library. We were going to buy the DVD set because we wanted to share it with Zoe. Zoe needed us to buy this DVD. Um, yeah. We seriously discussed this at great length. How we thought Zoe would think it was cool*. How it would be a learning experience for her. We completely justified making the purchase because we were doing it for our baby - Our baby who will not be watching Planet Earth for years to come, but whatever. We were also buying it because we wanted to watch it, so we watched the first episode last night. The views were gorgeous. The camera work was amazing. The animals were intriguing to watch. And I didn’t cry once. Well, I almost did, but I toughened up. - I did squeal (seriously, I did) when the mama polar be...

So, last night Daniel and I are eating our very low carb meal (more on that later) watching an episode from season one of Smallville ($15.99 at Costco!). We're entertained. I'm savoring every bit of rice I'm allowed to eat. The show is entertaining. We finish dinner and keep watching. Max jumps on my lap and leans against my belly (and Zoe) while he switches back and forth between staring longingly at my empty plate and tries to lick my face (for food remnants?). Clark and Lana are on Lana's front porch and Clark is just about to kiss Lana when her aunt comes out and sends him home. Score one for the aunt. Teenagers kissing on porches! Geez. As the future mother of a teenage girl, I cringe at the thought. We keep watching. Lana is waiting for Clark in the barn loft. They're going to watch the sunset together. They're supposed to be playing freshman, but the actors clearly look like seniors, at least. I mean, I know Clark is Superman...but the actor playing him i...

Even after me having a tiny cup of coffee this morning, Zocon was just not budging for the ultrasound tech, me, or Daniel. It seems our baby is a hard sleeper...and we're liking that just fine. :) After a whole lot of pushing and shaking by all of us, Zocon stretched the legs out straight and crossed them making it extrememly difficult to see what was what. When I saw the umbilical cord I mistook it for "something else" and was speechless for a moment or two since it was as long or longer than the legs. Luckily, the tech noted for us that we were seeing the umbilical cord. I don't know how they're able to distinguish everything so quickly. With a little more movement, we were finally able to see what we were there to see: ZOCON is a Zoe! Zoe Angeline Emery. We're having a girl and we are so excited! :) The tech pointed out to Daniel that not only is she a heavy sleeper, (I just think she's stubborn like her mom) but she is also private and shy. We were bot...

In an effort to focus more on the positively wonderful things happening in our lives, Daniel and I have begun to seriously look at our options for Zocon's room. Cribs (convertable to toddler bed and full size). Changing tables. Gliders. Oh, my! We looked around a bit yesterday and found some nice options...less expensive options than the gorgeous, GORGEOUS crib we found at a local baby boutique for $599. The one we are so not getting because it's beyond our budget and the baby will probably grow up and hate it anyway. So, today I surfed. I typed in 'baby furniture' in the good ol' Google and lists and lists of options appeared. My favorite of all of them was the Fantasy Crib . Not because I really want a fantasy crib for our baby, (I'm just not that frilly) but because the price of it sent me into hysterical laughter. Daniel and I scoff at $599 and there is actually a crib for the price of a car. And it doesn't even convert! Seriously, what is the world comi...

After having a wonderful birthday last Thursday, Daniel and I got to help celebrate a very special birthday for our good friends daughter, Ellie. She turned two and I had the fun task of documenting it all on film. She's such a precious little one and I had a blast taking photographs at the "Princess Tea Party" and later that evening while she swam around like the bathing beauty that she is. I'll have to talk to her Dad about me posting a couple on here to share. In the meantime I'll share the photo I'm thinking of putting on my Mac as a screensaver : Oven roasted cherry tomatoes & ricotta cheese on top of garlic & oil brushed baguette slices. Our friends' mom made these Sunday night and I ate about half of the tray. SO good, I think I could eat these daily. My mouth is watering just thinking about them! Anyway...Besides getting to give my photography as a gift, the experience made me think that I really could do this. There is a lot for me to lea...

Daniel and I joined hundreds of people yesterday in one of our favorite pastimes. We did not picnic or travel. In fact, we avoided the heat altogether. Instead, we went to see a matinee of Superman Returns. Movie watching seemed patriotic somehow - especially when watching the "man of steel" fly around saving people. Prior to the movie starting, we observed families flocking in to the theatre and quickly filling the seats. Parents were grabbing booster seats so their toddlers could better see the screen. I couldn't help but try to remember the first time I watched Superman. I don't think I saw it in the theatre back in 1978. It's far more likely that I watched it on HBO sometime in the early eighties...at home. But I'll get to that in a moment. Before Superman Returns we were enticed (and then, not so much) by the previews. Spiderman 3 looks good, but then we likey the superhero movies. Ant Bully looks cute. Amazingly, this gal who is SO not in to sports was...