Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I'm Good Now*

So, today has been considerably better than yesterday. I'm still tired, but at the same time refreshed.

I got up and went for a Razzmatazz at Jamba Juice (with femme boost for Zocon) and then went and got my hair cut. Nothing exciting, just an inch off the bottom and my bangs trimmed up again. I was supposed to be having my roots covered, but I'm going to try to hold out until my second trimester (like, the first day of) to add more color. I'm not worried about dark dye hurting Zocon. According to my doc there is no danger because Mercury is not in the dye anymore. I heard the color stays longer once you've gotten past the first few months. This could all be propaganda, but we could stand to save the money.

After my hair appointment (wherein she tried to pressure me at least three times to just let her dye it today) I walked around the outdoor shopping area a bit and then called Daniel. He came and met me for a nice lunch. We sat on the patio, ate chips and salsa and enjoyed the weather. It was lovely to be outside...and lunch was yummy.

Two and a half hours out and about and I'm exhausted, but the good news is I'm not feeling sick.

* Also the title of one of my favorite albums.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

I'm Just Cranky

So, Baby "Zocon" is throwing me for a loop this week. I'm moody and more tired than I was last week. I get cranky very easily and just about everything sets me off into tears. There are moments where I think I should just lock myself up in the house until the second trimester (I hear things settle down then). Don't get me wrong, I'm happy. I am so excited to be pregnant and to have this baby...but I'm not having an easy time of it. At all. If one more person tells me they "never had morning sickness", I think I might scream. Really, I'm happy for them but can we not rub it into the lady suppressing the need to go get sick? That would be great.

I feel guilty for complaining. I worry that my venting will be construed as not being grateful or happy. I'm happy. I'm grateful. It's just...well, my boobs hurt (and itch) and I feel so nauseated all the time. Heartburn sucks and watching movie trailers should not make me burst into sobs. Also, I already need to buy some maternity clothes. I was looking forward to shopping for maternity clothes before, but we're trying to watch our budget really carefully so I'm waiting. I've got one pair of stretchy black pants that I'm wearing almost every day and I'm tired of them. Also, my boobs don't fit in most of my shirts now. The stretchy shirts that fit are too snug for me to be comfortable. I need loose and airy, not form fitting and constraining.

I know this will pass. I know this is probably just a particularly grouchy day and tomorrow will be better. I know that when we get to see the heartbeat again on Thursday and we see how the baby is growing, I'll sigh and think life is wonderful and grand. And it is. Really. I'm just cranky.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

She Works Hard For The... Pizza

Generally speaking, I've been eating healthy since finding out about the pregnancy. It's been kind of easy when I naturally seem to crave things like fruit and vegetables. Occasionally, I feel the need for something else. Like my peanut butter, raspberry jelly and cheddar cheese sandwiches. Or, Doritos! Usually though, it's something far better for me (and the baby)like a baked potato or chicken.

This morning, I woke up wanting pizza. Pizza with mushrooms and olives, from Domino's. If I could have had it my way I would have loved to have some deep dished pizza from Gino's East in Chicago with hot giardiniera on top, (YUM!) but you know...distance was an issue. Domino's is convenient, fast and I dialed the number around 12:30.

I was told the delivery would take 45 minutes so I read more blogs. I found a blogger in NY who is also pregnant and due the day before I emailed her. I got myself a big glass of water. I relished the fact that I wasn't feeling ill. And then there was a knock at my door. Only 20 minutes had passed. I hadn't put a bra on! (I know, you're pretty much supposed to wear a bra 24 hours a day when you're pregnant. Ssh.) I was barefoot (insert pun here). I looked like a woman who had only gotten 4 good hours of sleep. I was going to scare the delivery guy!

I cracked the door open and told him I was just going to put the dogs away really fast...and then it happened. Bailey casually walked outside, jumped at the guys legs and then ran away. I yelled at her to stop when Max squeezed his fat little body through my legs and went barreling after her. They swerved back and forth across our lawn. Freedom! While I'm yelling, the pizza guy is shoving the receipt in my face for me to sign and handing me the pizza. He had places to go, he wasn't volunteering to help chase two dogs. Damn him. In a last ditch effort, I yelled to the ruffians: "Look guys, pizza! Food!" They didn't care, they had exploring to do.

So I set the pizza down on our porch and went running down the stairs. Pregnant. Braless. Shoeless. And then I started feeling just a little nauseated. I caught Max two doors down and swept him up into my left arm like a football. Bailey was on the move and fast. It was like she needed to smell everything, and quickly. Max started slipping from my grasp and I was ready to just let him go and go back in the house whether they followed or not. Screw it. I was feeling lousy and these dogs were ruining my pizza plans! I don't know if Bailey got bored with the events, (or if I scared her with the wild look in my eye)but she froze in her tracks and I hooked her collar with my finger. I put Max on the ground and hooked his collar as well. Quickly, the three of us walked. Max huffed. Bailey snorted. My feet were muddy.

Once dogs, pizza and I were safe in the house, I dropped on the couch. I pulled myself together, waited for the nausea to subside and opened the pizza box. Mushrooms. Olives. I thought I'd devour it. And I did. Two pieces and I was done. I had been starving! All that for two slices of pizza. The things I do for a craving.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

We're Back*

And when I say "we", I'm not kidding.

Daniel and I are going to have a baby! We knew when I did my last post, but we decided we wanted to wait until we saw the heartbeat before we released the news to the masses. This was my main reason for a brief hiatus. I didn't think I'd be able to resist blogging about our news if I continued posting daily. I've come to see that in regards to my pregnancy, I am horrible at keeping secrets. I know a lot of people keep the news to themselves until they reach the second trimester, but we're of the mind that we would rather people know what we were going through and have them to lean on instead of having to explain later why we are sad. It's a personal choice, and this decision feels right for us.

Not posting for so long has not been easy. So much has happened that I wanted to tell you all about. I got really sick (viral/sinus infection) and missed a weekend of "The Full Monty" performances...and there were times I wanted to log in and tell you all what was happening. Reading your blogs kept me happy though and I am feeling much better (except for the "all day" sickness).

Anywho. Even though I wasn't blogging, I was keeping a sort of journal of what's been happening as far as the pregnancy goes. I thought I'd share that with you....and a cute message from Daniel that he sent out yesterday to his friends in Texas.

Sunday, September 24th - How we found out:
The doctors told Daniel and I that we could take a home pregnancy test on Monday, September 18th. Since we have quite a few family members and friends who have been hoping to hear good news soon, I told them all we would know on Tuesday the 19th. I figured that would give us a day to adjust to either a negative or positive result. Somehow, I got my wires crossed and had convinced myself (and Daniel) that we couldn’t do a test until Tuesday. Sunday night I told Daniel that I didn’t see any harm in me taking the test a day early, but he really thought I should wait until the day the doctors suggested so there wouldn’t be any doubt in either of our minds. So I waited. Late Monday in the afternoon I was updating my calendar and saw that the test day was actually Monday. Excited, I rushed into the bathroom and took a test. The test came back inconclusive. I was sure that meant negative and I sort of resigned myself to the idea of one more month without being pregnant.

I woke up Tuesday morning at 4 am. I was feeling woozy and had to pee. I’d been feeling this way for a couple weeks, but I thought it was just the hormones from all the medications. I didn’t want to get my hopes up again, so I just accepted the hot flashes, high body temperature, nausea and dizziness as more side effects.

So, I peed in a cup, put the test stick in for 5 seconds and replaced the cap. I sat the test on the counter and looked away for a few seconds at most. Every time I take a pregnancy test I tell myself not to stare at the result window. I tell myself to look at it after the 3 minutes are up and not stress about it. For the first time ever I repeated “It’s OK if it’s negative.” Over and over like a mantra. But, after just a few seconds, a line was forming in both windows. I stared for a while, grabbed the instructions and read again what the two lines meant (even though I knew) and let out a huge sigh. I was pregnant!

I rushed back into our bedroom where Daniel was sleeping and as calmly as I could, asked him if he was awake. He said yes and I jumped on the bed with the test. “We’re pregnant! We’re going to have a baby!” We laughed, we giggled, and I got teary. It was an amazing morning. Daniel managed to get back to sleep (he had to…he needed to be up at 6:30 for work) but I tossed and turned. I was still feeling woozy and now I was so excited that sleep seemed impossible. I couldn’t wait to tell our parents and some of our close friends. I was excited to call our doctor and go in for my blood test to confirm what we knew.

Daniel went to work and I tried to rest, but I couldn’t. At around 8:30, I took another test…. you know, just in case the first test was wrong. The lines appeared instantly. I was so excited. I’d been taking these tests for a year and finally seeing a positive result was so exciting.

I was at the lab early for my blood test and the fertility office called me with the results. I was pregnant and my pregnancy hormone count was excellent = 250. They told me to go back to the lab in a few days for another blood test. They were looking for my pregnancy hormone to double in the next few days. I took the test on Friday and got the call on Saturday. The pregnancy hormone had nearly quadrupled to 950. They said that was excellent news. Part of me can’t help but wonder if I’ve got twins with me. The idea isn’t scary to me at all. I’d be happy with one healthy, happy baby…and just as happy with two. This is such an amazing time for Daniel and me.

My wooziness went to actually throwing up early (4 am) Saturday morning. They (the books) say this is when it all kicks in, and they were right. Daniel was up taking care of me – holding my hair back and being supportive. I am so lucky to have him and this baby is so lucky to have him as a dad. We’re a lucky family!
So…today is Sunday, September 24th. I am on the second day of my fifth week of pregnancy. We’re in our second month! Sometimes this all seems so surreal! The baby (our little rice grain) is 2 mm (according to the books) and will have a heartbeat this week. It’s brain is developing and so are all the other vital organs. We go to Thousand Oaks on Monday, October 9th to have an ultrasound. We’ll get to see the heartbeat (heartbeats?) and then we’ll share the news with everyone. In the mean time, I can’t bring myself to lie to people who ask if I’m pregnant…this is one secret I’m not very good at keeping.

Tuesday, September 26th – Changes:
So far, I’ve had some strange cravings. V8 is my favorite drink right now. Spicy stuff no longer appeals to me. Chipotle is no longer my favorite fast food. I’m a huge fan of cheese still, thank goodness. Baked potatoes and asparagus have become my new favorite foods and I want spinach so bad I can taste it. Too bad spinach isn’t really readily available because of the e-coli outbreak. I think the strangest food development (and Daniel’s favorite) is my sudden like (notice how I can’t bring myself to say love?) of Chinese food. I’ve been requesting it and Daniel jumped at the chance to bring it home for dinner last night. Poor guy. He doesn’t usually get to eat it for dinner because I’m never “in the mood”. This baby is doing some weird stuff to my body.

In addition to new cravings, I’m feeling a lot of stretching and pulling in my lower abdomen and my uterus. I worry sometimes that the little pangs of pain I am feeling are harmful to the baby. I told Daniel last night I have never worried so much about someone in my life. He told me this was just the beginning and I know he’s right. I’ve been so emotional lately and so wrapped up in this little life inside of me. All the things people say about pregnancy seem so unreal until you are actually living it. I called our doctors office again today to make sure the pain I’m feeling is normal and they said not to worry. Seems like such a strange thing to tell a first time expectant mother.

Sometimes, I think Bailey knows her “mama” is pregnant. Ever since she was a pup, she’s been in sync with my health and my emotions. She has laid at my side many times while I’ve been sick in bed. She was with me as I dealt with losing Nana. Her favorite spot to be has always been the crook of my legs, but recently she has moved to my stomach. She rubs her whole body against my lower abdomen and then rolls around like a cat. Earlier today she sat in between my legs and rested the side of her head (and her big ear) on my tummy. She sat there calmly for a good 15 minutes. The sounds outside and Max were unable to distract her. It was odd. I wonder if she knows. I wonder if she has become as protective of this little one as she has been of me? I wonder if she can hear the little heart beating? Meanwhile, Max is as oblivious as ever. If he’s noticed anything new, it’s that his “mama” is eating a lot more than usual and still not sharing.

Thursday, October 5th – Baby names!
Daniel and I have been doing a lot of thinking about what we would name the baby (babies?) since we first started trying. Connor & Zoe have long been our choices for first names. If we have a son, his middle name will be Leslie. It’s a family tradition on Daniel's side - first born son. We had seriously considered the name Finn instead, but I like the idea of keeping this tradition. Zoe has been a favorite name of mine for some time now. Angeline was my great grandmothers (Nana’s mother) middle name.

Monday, October 9th – A message from Daniel to our Texas friends:
We had our first ultrasound today. The baby (not twins) is seven weeks along, and 10mm in length. We could see the heartbeat, and everything looked good. We won't know the gender of the baby for another three months or so. If it's a boy, we are planning on naming him Connor. If it's a girl, we will name her Zoe. So in the mean time we have decided to combine the two names into one. That's right - our baby will be known as Zocon! That's pronounced "Zo" rhymes with "sew" and "con" rhymes with "john"... I think it sounds very Flash Gordon.

Zocon, conqueror of Venus! In less than nine months time Zocon's fleet of inter-dimensional spaceships will invade the earth from the womb!

Beware the wrath of Zocon!

(Daniel is already thinking of plotlines of stories he wants to write for our baby. He's excited - and really looking forward to buying toys.)

* Or, "Longest Post Ever"