And when I say "we", I'm not kidding.
Daniel and I are going to have a baby! We knew when I did my last post, but we decided we wanted to wait until we saw the heartbeat before we released the news to the masses. This was my main reason for a brief hiatus. I didn't think I'd be able to resist blogging about our news if I continued posting daily. I've come to see that in regards to my pregnancy, I am horrible at keeping secrets. I know a lot of people keep the news to themselves until they reach the second trimester, but we're of the mind that we would rather people know what we were going through and have them to lean on instead of having to explain later why we are sad. It's a personal choice, and this decision feels right for us.
Not posting for so long has not been easy. So much has happened that I wanted to tell you all about. I got really sick (viral/sinus infection) and missed a weekend of "The Full Monty" performances...and there were times I wanted to log in and tell you all what was happening. Reading your blogs kept me happy though and I am feeling much better (except for the "all day" sickness).
Anywho. Even though I wasn't blogging, I was keeping a sort of journal of what's been happening as far as the pregnancy goes. I thought I'd share that with you....and a cute message from Daniel that he sent out yesterday to his friends in Texas.
Sunday, September 24th - How we found out:
The doctors told Daniel and I that we could take a home pregnancy test on Monday, September 18th. Since we have quite a few family members and friends who have been hoping to hear good news soon, I told them all we would know on Tuesday the 19th. I figured that would give us a day to adjust to either a negative or positive result. Somehow, I got my wires crossed and had convinced myself (and Daniel) that we couldn’t do a test until Tuesday. Sunday night I told Daniel that I didn’t see any harm in me taking the test a day early, but he really thought I should wait until the day the doctors suggested so there wouldn’t be any doubt in either of our minds. So I waited. Late Monday in the afternoon I was updating my calendar and saw that the test day was actually Monday. Excited, I rushed into the bathroom and took a test. The test came back inconclusive. I was sure that meant negative and I sort of resigned myself to the idea of one more month without being pregnant.
I woke up Tuesday morning at 4 am. I was feeling woozy and had to pee. I’d been feeling this way for a couple weeks, but I thought it was just the hormones from all the medications. I didn’t want to get my hopes up again, so I just accepted the hot flashes, high body temperature, nausea and dizziness as more side effects.
So, I peed in a cup, put the test stick in for 5 seconds and replaced the cap. I sat the test on the counter and looked away for a few seconds at most. Every time I take a pregnancy test I tell myself not to stare at the result window. I tell myself to look at it after the 3 minutes are up and not stress about it. For the first time ever I repeated “It’s OK if it’s negative.” Over and over like a mantra. But, after just a few seconds, a line was forming in both windows. I stared for a while, grabbed the instructions and read again what the two lines meant (even though I knew) and let out a huge sigh. I was pregnant!
I rushed back into our bedroom where Daniel was sleeping and as calmly as I could, asked him if he was awake. He said yes and I jumped on the bed with the test. “We’re pregnant! We’re going to have a baby!” We laughed, we giggled, and I got teary. It was an amazing morning. Daniel managed to get back to sleep (he had to…he needed to be up at 6:30 for work) but I tossed and turned. I was still feeling woozy and now I was so excited that sleep seemed impossible. I couldn’t wait to tell our parents and some of our close friends. I was excited to call our doctor and go in for my blood test to confirm what we knew.
Daniel went to work and I tried to rest, but I couldn’t. At around 8:30, I took another test…. you know, just in case the first test was wrong. The lines appeared instantly. I was so excited. I’d been taking these tests for a year and finally seeing a positive result was so exciting.
I was at the lab early for my blood test and the fertility office called me with the results. I was pregnant and my pregnancy hormone count was excellent = 250. They told me to go back to the lab in a few days for another blood test. They were looking for my pregnancy hormone to double in the next few days. I took the test on Friday and got the call on Saturday. The pregnancy hormone had nearly quadrupled to 950. They said that was excellent news. Part of me can’t help but wonder if I’ve got twins with me. The idea isn’t scary to me at all. I’d be happy with one healthy, happy baby…and just as happy with two. This is such an amazing time for Daniel and me.
My wooziness went to actually throwing up early (4 am) Saturday morning. They (the books) say this is when it all kicks in, and they were right. Daniel was up taking care of me – holding my hair back and being supportive. I am so lucky to have him and this baby is so lucky to have him as a dad. We’re a lucky family!
So…today is Sunday, September 24th. I am on the second day of my fifth week of pregnancy. We’re in our second month! Sometimes this all seems so surreal! The baby (our little rice grain) is 2 mm (according to the books) and will have a heartbeat this week. It’s brain is developing and so are all the other vital organs. We go to Thousand Oaks on Monday, October 9th to have an ultrasound. We’ll get to see the heartbeat (heartbeats?) and then we’ll share the news with everyone. In the mean time, I can’t bring myself to lie to people who ask if I’m pregnant…this is one secret I’m not very good at keeping.
Tuesday, September 26th – Changes:
So far, I’ve had some strange cravings. V8 is my favorite drink right now. Spicy stuff no longer appeals to me. Chipotle is no longer my favorite fast food. I’m a huge fan of cheese still, thank goodness. Baked potatoes and asparagus have become my new favorite foods and I want spinach so bad I can taste it. Too bad spinach isn’t really readily available because of the e-coli outbreak. I think the strangest food development (and Daniel’s favorite) is my sudden like (notice how I can’t bring myself to say love?) of Chinese food. I’ve been requesting it and Daniel jumped at the chance to bring it home for dinner last night. Poor guy. He doesn’t usually get to eat it for dinner because I’m never “in the mood”. This baby is doing some weird stuff to my body.
In addition to new cravings, I’m feeling a lot of stretching and pulling in my lower abdomen and my uterus. I worry sometimes that the little pangs of pain I am feeling are harmful to the baby. I told Daniel last night I have never worried so much about someone in my life. He told me this was just the beginning and I know he’s right. I’ve been so emotional lately and so wrapped up in this little life inside of me. All the things people say about pregnancy seem so unreal until you are actually living it. I called our doctors office again today to make sure the pain I’m feeling is normal and they said not to worry. Seems like such a strange thing to tell a first time expectant mother.
Sometimes, I think Bailey knows her “mama” is pregnant. Ever since she was a pup, she’s been in sync with my health and my emotions. She has laid at my side many times while I’ve been sick in bed. She was with me as I dealt with losing Nana. Her favorite spot to be has always been the crook of my legs, but recently she has moved to my stomach. She rubs her whole body against my lower abdomen and then rolls around like a cat. Earlier today she sat in between my legs and rested the side of her head (and her big ear) on my tummy. She sat there calmly for a good 15 minutes. The sounds outside and Max were unable to distract her. It was odd. I wonder if she knows. I wonder if she has become as protective of this little one as she has been of me? I wonder if she can hear the little heart beating? Meanwhile, Max is as oblivious as ever. If he’s noticed anything new, it’s that his “mama” is eating a lot more than usual and still not sharing.
Thursday, October 5th – Baby names!
Daniel and I have been doing a lot of thinking about what we would name the baby (babies?) since we first started trying. Connor & Zoe have long been our choices for first names. If we have a son, his middle name will be Leslie. It’s a family tradition on Daniel's side - first born son. We had seriously considered the name Finn instead, but I like the idea of keeping this tradition. Zoe has been a favorite name of mine for some time now. Angeline was my great grandmothers (Nana’s mother) middle name.
Monday, October 9th – A message from Daniel to our Texas friends:
We had our first ultrasound today. The baby (not twins) is seven weeks along, and 10mm in length. We could see the heartbeat, and everything looked good. We won't know the gender of the baby for another three months or so. If it's a boy, we are planning on naming him Connor. If it's a girl, we will name her Zoe. So in the mean time we have decided to combine the two names into one. That's right - our baby will be known as Zocon! That's pronounced "Zo" rhymes with "sew" and "con" rhymes with "john"... I think it sounds very Flash Gordon.
Zocon, conqueror of Venus! In less than nine months time Zocon's fleet of inter-dimensional spaceships will invade the earth from the womb!
Beware the wrath of Zocon!
(Daniel is already thinking of plotlines of stories he wants to write for our baby. He's excited - and really looking forward to buying toys.)
* Or, "Longest Post Ever"