The other night while I was feeling particularly crappy and tired and sick and nauseated I looked at my husband and said something similar to this:
You know, I forgot how hard it is to be pregnant. I mean, I remember the first trimester with Zoe saying "This is hard! People don't really tell you how hard it is!". But for reals now. You go and have your first baby and you relish that experience of being pregnant and sharing your body with your offspring, and then you get to enjoy this little version of you and your partner out in the real world. Occasionally, you find yourself feeling those phantom kicks you were so used to feeling regularly during the third trimester. Your hand naturally finds it way to your belly, (as does your partners) remembering how it felt to have a baby in there. And your child amazes you so and brings so much joy and love into your life that you imagine how lovely it would be to have more. You miss being pregnant. You want your child to have siblings, you start imagining a larger family. You recall pregnancy as this peaceful wonderful time of relaxation, fun food cravings, doctor's appointments, maternity clothes, decorating, shopping, planning, miracle of life, joy ride where the biggest obstacle is all those strangers who have no qualms telling you how large you are and/or reaching out to touch your belly. And you think, we can do this! Pregnancy is easy! Let's have a baby... NOW!
Let me tell you:
I had an awesome time getting pregnant with "Numero Dos". It was A LOT of fun. Seriously. And peeing on that stick and finding out we were having another baby was one of the best mornings I've had in a while. Our first appointment with our OB/GYN was great because we got to see one of our favorite people here in Bakersfield. The man I would love to deliver all of my children because I think he is just a wonderful doctor. I look forward to all those prenatal appointments, getting to hear our baby's heartbeat and the ultrasounds. I'm excited to decorate for the new baby. I can't wait for Zoe to meet her sibling - she's been practicing with a baby doll for the last few weeks and it's precious. Being pregnant again is truly a blessing and I'm thrilled.
But being pregnant isn't all fun and games. I forgot how bad the nausea can be. I forgot the moodiness... and the constipation... and hemorrhoids. I forgot just how tiring it all can be!
I told all of this to Daniel and then said "This is not to be used against me when I say I want a third child!"
We laughed and he sympathized with me and that was that, but I've been thinking about that conversation for a few days now. I think there is something in us that makes us forget how hard it all can be so that we're able to do it again. I think that if I remembered every single detail of my first pregnancy I might have been scared to do it all again. And I think that maybe, we need to be more candid with other women and specifically teens about how hard it is to bring a child into the world. I can't even imagine what this would be like if I were sixteen, unprepared and didn't have a supportive partner like Daniel.