Sunday, November 11, 2007

Day Eleven: Evolution

This blog has been around for a while and it's been renamed a few times. It started off as "Little Miss Sunshine Girl", but that was such a long URL to type in and a long moniker to comment with. Then I renamed it "Sunshine Days". It was fitting for where my life was going, and it just worked. And then I took on "Inevitably Keely", because I grew tired of the sunshine attachment and wanted more of my real identity connected to my words.

I've written as a recent divorcee; a singleton; a girlfriend; a cohabitator; a fiancé; a wife; a mom-to-be; a mama.

I've written about a horrible marriage and what it took to heal from it, friendships gone bad, falling in love, living with my boyfriend, adopting puppies, planning a wedding, coping with my Nana's battle with cancer and later her passing, my own health issues, my adoring husband, our infertility journey and hopes to start a family, my pregnancy and our amazing baby girl.

My words have taken on many topics over the years. I've done so honestly and mostly openly. Mostly. A few years ago I outted my blog to my family. My dad stopped reading long ago. He doesn't understand the point of a blog; why people choose to share their lives with strangers. At one point my SIL read my blog and had one of her own where she chose to write about things that were hurtful towards Daniel and I. I became more sheltered with my choice of topics and words because I did not want to hurt anyone or share too much. As far as I know, my mom and MIL still read regularly. Who can blame them? I've posted numerous times about the monkey and it's a way for the mom's to keep tabs on what we're doing. I'm happy for this venue if it makes them feel closer to us, but at the same time I've found myself more and more censored.

There are certain topics (funny things, conversations about s-e-x, etc.) you just don't want to have your relatives read about, regardless of how open you are normally. But these things are perfect blog fodder! There have been innumerable instances where Daniel and I have said something would be a funny blog post. I love my husband's mom and my own (our entire family), but I've felt this need to draw a line between my real "live" life and my blog.

So, I've been tossing an idea around. I'm thinking I'm going to start a new blog. It might take me a bit to get it all squared away and OMG! I'm freaking out about that because the lovely gal who designed this site is busy with a new baby of her own and I lack the knowledge and talent to do what I want. * I plan on keeping this one up.... indefinitely so that the Grammy and Nana K can still access the monkey's cuteness, and how we are doing as a family, but I'm thinking the new blog will deal with more diverse topics and still talk about my journey with Zoe as a new mom (but with maybe a different/uncensored spin on it). I'm hoping it will be more entertaining to people who don't have kids yet (or want them) and bridge a gap.

Joining NaBloPoMo has made me very ambitious with what I think I have time for. It's made me enjoy blogging again and want to take time out of my day to do so. It's forced me to take more time for me and to be creative. I love that I lay in bed at night thinking about what I'm going to write the next day. I'm feeling more whole and more like myself with each passing day, and that is an awesome feeling because I've been struggling with the old me and my new role as a mother. I love being a mom, but I'd sort of forgotten my other joys and needs. I've been feeling like I'd kind of lost my real voice and who I am. I want to find that again. I want the different facets of my life to continue to merge and I want to be more comfortable with who I have become. I would love for my blog friends to join me in that. What do you think?

*Totally fishing here, people.

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