Day Twenty-Seven: Dear Zoe

Today you are six months and four days old. Every month that passes I feel like it moves too slow and too fast all at once. On one hand, I am so excited for you to crawl, to walk, to call out for your father and I (and all the other exciting events). On the other hand, I look at you and am amazed at how big you have gotten and how much you have changed. I've loved getting to be Mommy to my sweet little monkey and I can't wait to watch you grow up into a woman.


It's hard to believe that just six months and six days ago your dad and I were checking into the hospital so that we could meet you! I thought I'd go ahead and tell you that story now before the details escape me:

Your Birth Story

Monday, May 21st

Twitter post: at 12:13PM (web)- Just finished watching last night’s episode of Brothers & Sisters. Cried like a baby. Damn it.

Twitter post at 12:42 PM (text) - On our way to our last pre natal appt.for this pregnancy!

12:45 pm - Your Dad and I were at the doctor’s office for my weekly check up early so I could have an NST done. I had been getting them done for the past month because of the gestational diabetes and they wanted to monitor you. We weren’t fans of the NST because you weren’t a very cooperative baby. Once I was hooked up to the monitor, you would fall asleep and refuse to move. Your dad would sing and talk to you while I poked and shook my belly until the monitor picked up your movements.

1:30 pm - When Doc Y came into the exam room; he asked me when I wanted to have you. I had been carrying you for 39 weeks and 3 days and your dad and I wanted to meet you so I said, “Today would be nice.” Sometimes your mom says things just to be funny or to see what happens, but without really expecting to get what she asks for. I was really surprised when Doc Y said that if I was serious he would call the birthing center to see if they “had room in the inn” for us. I laughed nervously. I was serious, but I hadn’t expected his response since we had an appointment to induce labor in just two days. He checked to see how far I had progressed in the past week and found that I hadn’t. I was still 1.5 centimeters dilated and 50% effaced. You weren’t coming any time soon without some assistance.

While we waited for news about being induced that afternoon, your dad and I sat nervously in the exam room. I think I laughed a little bit and held back tears. I was excited and nervous all at once. We ended up walking out to the nurse’s station as Angie was calling the center. They had a room available for us and we were to go straight over (the birthing center is attached to the office we went to).

I started crying in the elevator. I was scared. I was nervous. On the way out the door to our appointment I had accidentally stepped on Max and now I wasn’t going to see him again without you. I hadn’t apologized! I was irrational. I was sure he would never forgive me and that he and Bailey would be confused because we hadn’t told them where we were going and what we planned on bringing home with us. Your dad calmed me down and promised me that everything would be OK. We stepped out of the elevator and went to our car to get all the stuff we’d been carrying around just in case I went into labor on my own. I called your Grandpa Joe from the parking lot like I did after every check up. He asked me how it went and when I told him he said, “Well that’s just great.” You see, your Nana K and Grandpa Joe were planning on coming to town on Wednesday and he was stressed that you would come before they could get here. I assured him that induction could take days and he was relieved. They would come on Tuesday.

Twitter posts:
4:11 PM (text) - Doc decided to induce today. Baby is doing well. He just thought today would be better than Wednesday.
4:14 PM (text) - The IV is in. Waiting for doc to give induction medication. Will take at least twelve hours for labor to begin.

So, my nurse got the IV in and everything was great. Your daddy left me for a bit to go get me some magazines that I asked for but never touched our entire time in the hospital. I sent text messages to our friends letting them know what was happening. I sent the twitter messages above. Your dad came back with the only good magazines the gift shop had... I think maybe a Oprah magazine and a Vogue and something else. Magazines I never read. Since we were waiting for Doc Y to come give me the induction medicine and we had no idea when exactly he would come, I told your daddy to go ahead and leave to run the few errands he wanted to do. He needed to get himself some caffeine and I was really wanting frozen yogurt and Mexican food while I could still eat it.

Not long after he left, Doc Y came in to insert the Cervadil into my cervix. We were talking and there was a general feeling of excitement in the room. I was nervous still, but so ready for the induction to begin. Your daddy called my cell phone just as Doc Y was trying to get the medicine in, so our nurse answered the call. Daddy called the nurse honey, because he thought it was me and this made her and me laugh. I laughed so hard you were bouncing around in my tummy and I thought I might pee (which would not have been good for Doc Y considering his location). I took the phone and the nurse and I kept laughing while I talked to your daddy and the medication was being inserted WAY up in my cervix. Doc Y said he'd never done the procedure and gotten the reaction he'd gotten from me before.

The rest of the afternoon was a lot of sitting around and waiting. Your daddy had to fix the television in our room so we could watch shows. We watched Law and Order, I think. I took pictures with my camera and had your daddy take some pictures of me so we'd remember the excitement leading up to your birth. I was having contractions, but they weren't too painful and I tried to stay positive and polite through the whole thing. I was worried about being too dramatic, which sometimes I can be. Your daddy and I took a few walks around the maternity ward to try to help things move along and eventually we tried to get some sleep. Sleeping was not very easy for either of us. Your daddy looked so funny and uncomfortable in the pull out chair/bed they provided for him. And me? Well, lets just say hospital beds are not the most comfortable things and I spent a lot of the early morning hours listening to a lady in the next room go through some serious labor. She screamed and moaned for hours and scared the heck out of me. When a nurse came in to check on you and me, I asked if everyone was like that and she told me no, not to worry. I still worried.

The following morning Dr. Lewis came in to check on my progress with the Cervadil. By this time I was having a good amount of contractions and I was feeling some pain. I was trying to not take and medications and I was very cranky that someone I'd never laid eyes on was going to check my cervix and you. He was a sweet man though, he kind of reminded me of one of the grandpa's in Sixteen Candles. When he checked my cervix I'd still not dilated but you had "engaged". I was so sure more had happened over night and was feeling discouraged. Your daddy said, "That's good baby, she's in engaged!" Feeling more than a little flustered I said: "People break engagements!" Your mama, was tired... but still polite. Dr. Lewis inserted another Cervadil.

Twitter post at 12:27 PM (text) - Day two of induction. This is exhausting.

The rest of the day is a little bit of a blur. Contractions continued. Your daddy was wonderful and monitored all the contractions very closely (you will learn that he LOVES graphs and technology and geeky things). He would tell me when I was having a contraction, I would tell him I was having contractions. We laughed, I think I might have gotten a little emotional. Aunt Sheila and Uncle David (he wore a doctors jacket from Rocky Horror costumes) came to visit and to bring you presents. Nana K and Grandpa Joe came to visit and they were so excited and nervous looking. Nana K fussed over our television a little and really wanted to watch the last American Idol, but couldn't find the right channel.

Dr. Lewis came in to check on our progress at around 11pm. I was no further dilated and you were no longer engaged (just like I said might happen!). He examined me a little more and came to the conclusion that we needed to have a c-section. The medicine was not working because my bone structure was not letting you drop. It was like you were hitting a wall. By this time I was so exhausted and overwhelmed. I cried a little and said, "But I have such big hips!" Dr. Lewis was great with me and so was our nurse. They explained there was nothing I could do, that it was just how I was made. I cried a lot because I had so wanted to have you naturally. I wanted to experience the pushing and all the hard work to get you out into the world. I didn't want medication because I did not want it to make you sluggish. I'd imagined your birth for months and I was excited to get to go through that part of life. Our nurse calmed me down and prepped me for the surgery. Your daddy reassured me and held my hand.

From there, a lot of things are a blur for me. We were transferred to a different bed and pushed down a hall into the operating room. The doctor had rushed things so quickly that I hadn't signed the papers for getting the spinal block before the anesthesiologist started. This caused some drama in the O.R and as I felt myself reacting to the block, our nurse and the anesthesiologist argued and I signed as my body went numb. I remember being warned that it might feel like I was having trouble breathing, but it was just the block and everything was fine. When that feeling came it was so strong I couldn't speak, but I kept asking for your daddy over and over until he came into the O.R. That felt like an eternity! The next thing I know, I was being told to look at my daughter. I remember holding my breath for a brief moment until you cried. I remember you being held up high in front of me as you cried out. I think I cried too, I'm pretty sure your Daddy had tears in his eyes too.

19 inches, 8 pounds 5 ounces
at 12:18 am on Wednesday, May 23, 2007.

I know your daddy cut your umbilical cord. I know he went with you while they finished up with delivering the placenta and sewing me up. I remember hearing Dr. Lewis say he didn't like the way it looked and that it was going to be just a little bit longer while he redid it.

For the next eight or so hours, our entire family slept. Nana K and Grandpa Joe came to meet you. Aunt Sheila and Uncle David came to meet you all dressed up before they went out to her birthday dinner. I text messaged our friends. We stared at you while you slept. We slept more. The nurses refused to let me eat because of the gestational diabetes. Your daddy snuck me in a sandwich and chips because my blood sugar levels were well within normal. I was given a lot of medication for the pain from the incision. You ate and pooped a lot. All the nurses kept saying how huge you were, but you looked like the smallest thing we'd ever seen. So precious. So beautiful. So fragile. We fell in love with you instantly (and that love has gotten stronger with every day of your life). We were so ready to bring you home with us. We were anxious to introduce you to Bailey and Max. We couldn't wait to start our lives with you, out of the hospitals walls.

We were released Thursday.

Twitter post at 8:45 PM (text) - On our way home with baby right now. She seems to really like her car seat.

Your daddy drove SO slow! Nana K and Grandpa Joe were at the house with Bailey and Max. Our friends Kristina and Samantha had decorated our front door and your room. We were home. We were a family.

"Don't ((BUG)) me."

Life has been an adventure ever since the day we decided we wanted you in our lives. The fertility doctor, the waiting, the pregnancy, your birth... all wonderful adventures. You are our greatest gift and we are so thankful for you. This year, Thanksgiving had even more meaning to us. Thank you, baby... and happy 6 month birthday.

Love, Mama


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