Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Pictures of Me

A couple days ago I told one of my high school friends that I was going to bust out some photos of us from our younger years and post them on Facebook so we could relive the memories. I had to search them out. They were stuffed in a box on the top shelf of our guest room closet and it was no easy feat to pull them down to sort through. But when I found them I was struck by our silliness, our innocence, our youth. As I looked at photos of me from as many as seventeen years ago, I barely recognized the girl smiling back at me. Sure, the blonde hair had something to do with it as did the svelte figure. The adult me is wanting to kick myself for all the times I called myself fat, all the nights I spent crying because I thought I was so ugly and that's why I never got asked to the dances. Maybe it's with my adult eyes that I'm able to see that I was perfect the way I was. I just hadn't reached my full potential - despite how I looked, I hadn't accepted myself for who I was and maybe that insecurity is what made me feel so distanced.

If I could go back in time, I'd tell that girl to be patient. I'd tell her that as insecure as she feels now, someday she is going to know true happiness. She's going to have the love and support of her friends and family and her soul mate. Someday, she will know that she is an amazing and good person and that the people in her life are there because she is beautiful inside and out. I would tell her that she is more than the clothes she wears and the weight on her body and that one very special man is going to see that and help her realize that every single day that they are together. I'd tell her to believe in herself and not worry so much about what everyone thinks.

I don't think that girl would listen to, or believe me... but I do hope that Zoe believes me when I tell her all these things someday.

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