Monday, November 03, 2008

I'm so Emo

For the past few days I've had complete emotional breakdowns where I just cry and cry and nearly hyperventilate from trying to stop the waterworks. It's not pretty. And it's annoying. When the waterworks start it's normal enough... I'm usually talking about my list of things to do before Finn gets here and freaking out about how fast the time is going. And then I start worrying about this big transition our family is about to go through and how it will affect our little ones.

Now, if you remember from last time - this isn't new for me. The day our doctor told us we could start inducing Zoe's birth, I had a mini-breakdown because I hadn't given Max and Bailey "kisses" and explained to them that we'd be coming home with a baby in a few days. In fact, on the way out the door I'd accidentally stepped on Max's front paw and made him yelp. All I could think was I'd hurt my dog and that was going to be his last memory of me before we brought Zoe home and his life would be forever changed. This time around I'm worried about who will take care of them. I don't want to send them away to a boarders - which they hate - and then have them come home a few days later to a new baby. I worry they won't understand. I know this is irrational and they will be fine, but still.

And then there is Zoe. I am freaking out about being away from her while Daniel and I are in the hospital. Even though I know she will be in good hands and I know she'll get to come visit, it is almost unbearable to imagine being separated from her for a few days. She has been so cute about my belly and loves babies so I know that she'll be fine with having a baby brother, but I can't help but worry. What if she feels like she's being replaced? What if she misses us as much as I miss her? She has been the center of our world and soon she will have to share that - will she be OK? And again, rationally speaking - I know that she will be.

I know that Daniel and I have enough love in us for Zoe and Finn and the dog children. I know that this will be an adjustment/transitional time but that we can do it just like all the other families in the world who do it. I think one of the most stressful things about my breakdowns is that I know I'm over thinking and worrying about things that are either out of my control or not even a real issue.

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