Friday, February 15, 2008

Purpose

The other night when Daniel and I were in bed getting ready to fall asleep for the night, I whispered to him that sometimes I feel like I don't have a purpose. It's not a feeling I have all the time, but I do have those fleeting moments where I feel like I'm just not doing anything worthwhile.

Sun Windchime just after Sunset

He right away said that raising our daughter is a big purpose and he couldn't be more right. Raising her is a huge responsibility and is probably my greatest purpose in life. She and her father bring me great joy knowing that I'm making them happy. But what I mean is something different. I need to feel proud of myself and right now I'm just in a funk. Usually when I feel myself in this funk it's because I am not pushing myself towards a goal. I need goals.

Afternoon Sun - Windchime

This Weight Watchers thing is certainly a goal, but I mean creatively. I've been feeling like that creative spark has been missing lately and blogging every single day doesn't really fill that void. I don't feel like I'm really being creative when I write - I'm just sharing my thoughts. Lately it's been all about stream of consciousness instead of really worrying about structure or trying to entertain anyone. Honestly, I'm not a good creative writer. Daniel can invent these amazing worlds but me? I guess I'm more of a life-story teller.

Me & my shadow... w. windchime shadow

But anyway. My point is, (and I swear there is a point) I've been getting my camera out more lately. I've been trying to focus my lens on things other than my beautiful daughter even if it's just shooting random pics of stuff in my backyard. I'm going to try to do this at least once a week. This week I did it twice and felt really good afterwards. So there you have it: me searching for my purpose, my creative spark, looking for my opportunity to grow and trying to look at world differently. I feel better already.

Oh, and I promise... I'll still take pics of my little girl. Are you kidding me? How could I not?

Model Baby

Happy Friday to all of you.

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