Monday, February 25, 2008

Go ahead, tell me I'm cheesy!

Just after I left my ex, I had a brief relationship with someone from high school. He was on the other side of the country and even though we talked at least twice a day every day for six months, we were only together for a handful of days. When that relationship ended I was sad because amidst our breakup, I'd lost a friend- but mainly, I was worried there was something wrong with me that I couldn't make it work. In retrospect, I guess you could say that he was my rebound guy. He was also the person that made me realize that I had to deal with (the end of) my marriage even if I was the one who wanted it to end. At first I tried to pretend I'd never even been married. I refused to talk about it to anyone. Those six years had made me feel old even though I was still young (twenty-six) and I was ashamed I'd let someone control me and make me feel so worthless. I felt like I'd missed out on a large chunk of my life and that no one would ever want to be with me because I was damaged goods. I think a part of me was scared that I was a magnet for assholes. I think there might be some truth in that, but what's more likely is that I just hadn't met the right person at the right time in our lives yet.

A while ago a friend told me that what Daniel and I have is rare. Is it? I don't want it to be!

I wish I did not sound so cheesy when I tell my friends that their special someone is out there. I wish some friends would believe me when I say that it's better to be alone than be with the wrong person. I want to tell people not to settle. I want to tell people that the time it takes to find their "someone" is the perfect time to continue developing and understanding themselves. I want them to believe me when I say that true love is worth the wait. I want to tell you that if you feel like damaged goods, you don't have to. You can make your life better. You can be whoever you want to be.

I used to be in the habit of telling Daniel how lucky I was to have him. Every time, he would tell me we were both lucky. I would take in what he said and believe him, but sometimes I would counter that I was luckier than he was. Its taken time, but now I'm able to say how lucky we are to have each other without implying that I'm the consolation prize. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you're a consolation prize... and vice versa. If you do, you're cheating yourself and them from finding the right one.

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