I got to talk to a friend today and our little convo got me to thinking about some things about myself. This is just kind of free writing...
I'm the one who will smile at you from across a room. I will have conversations with the cashier at the grocery, the bookseller at Borders, the barista, and the person in line next to me. I will put your cart back in the stall, but I will think you are inconsiderate for just pushing it away from your vehicle. I'll curse under my breath if you cut me off, but I won't let it ruin my day. I will forgive you just about anything if you say you're sorry and seem to mean it. I believe in second chances - and third and forth. I will continue to give you chances unless you prove yourself unworthy. FYI, you’d have to really suck for me to not want to give you the benefit of the doubt or the opportunity to rectify a situation. I don't hold grudges. I don't expect too much, or too little. I believe people are good even if I've seen some really ugly things.
I will send you thoughtful emails and texts, but I might not call frequently. I prefer the written word or talking in person to a phone call. I don't know why. Please don't take it personally. I might not be the first to start a conversation, but if you engage me I will certainly reciprocate. Chances are I want to be your friend, I just haven't found my "in" yet. I can be terribly insecure and I hate that about myself. Sometimes I'm shy and forget my voice. Secretly, I am wishing you would give me a chance and not just see me as just "Daniel's wife" or "Zoe's mom" - I am so much more than that.
I can be a loud mouth. I can also have a sharp tongue and I enjoy sarcasm. If you ask my opinion, I'm honest. Sometimes I am a maniacal laugher. I have been known (on occasion) to snort when I laugh - I'm no longer ashamed of it. Make me snort, and it means I am comfortable and happy. I like making people laugh and/or smile. I used to not like hugs unless I really really knew the person, now I'm more giving of a hug if I think it's needed. No, I don't go up to strangers hugging them - but sometimes I wish that were OK. I hope I haven't just opened myself up for weirdo’s to come up to me and hug me.
Sometimes I think people perceive me as innocent. I'm not that innocent. Oh, that just made me laugh at myself (no snorting though). But really - I've done things I'm not proud of, but I do not regret. I have a sense of humor much like a 13-year-old boy and I curse like a sailor if you get me going.
I've been known to send emails to almost complete strangers and tell them we should be friends. OK, I've only done it like, three times - but I am so glad I did. I wish I had more friends, a larger tribe.