Inevitably Keely

Zoe and I had a nice day together: hanging out in the backyard and walking to the nearby park. It's days like this where I think I cannot imagine spending my day any other way than with her... watching her experience things like touching grass and feeling the wind on her face while swinging for the first time. This is what I imagined being a SAHM would be like, and I am so grateful to get to do it. What I did not do today was clean for our houseguest tomorrow.* That's a huge deal because generally I go into freak out mode when someone is expected for a visit. I've either grown and learned to not freak out over the small stuff, or Mel is so much like family that I know she won't care if the house is not spotless. It's probably the latter... and I'm likely to go into freak out mode later tonight, or two hours before I'm supposed to pick her up at the airport tomorrow. I'm very excited for Zoe to get to meet her Aunt Mel and spend some time with her. I...

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I took this pic last week and had to share since it makes me laugh at how GIANT she looks: Since I posted elsewhere today, and Daniel and I are in the middle of our date night (we have more snuggling to do) I'm going to cut my post short. I'm gonna say it: Date nights are more important/fun than blogging. ;P

Just after I left my ex, I had a brief relationship with someone from high school. He was on the other side of the country and even though we talked at least twice a day every day for six months, we were only together for a handful of days. When that relationship ended I was sad because amidst our breakup, I'd lost a friend- but mainly, I was worried there was something wrong with me that I couldn't make it work. In retrospect, I guess you could say that he was my rebound guy. He was also the person that made me realize that I had to deal with (the end of) my marriage even if I was the one who wanted it to end. At first I tried to pretend I'd never even been married. I refused to talk about it to anyone. Those six years had made me feel old even though I was still young (twenty-six) and I was ashamed I'd let someone control me and make me feel so worthless. I felt like I'd missed out on a large chunk of my life and that no one would ever want to be with me because ...

I'm sitting on the sofa full from a not so fabulous Crockpot Challenge meal. Italian Beef Sandwiches... not even going to post the recipe this week because it just wasn't worth it (but Daniel liked it). The family is enjoying the Oscars tonight. Which is pretty darn exciting for me, but the commercials are driving me nuts! Actually, they're better now that the preshow is over - there were so many commercials for local docs and furniture stores! This will probably come as no shock, but we haven't gotten to see most (all?) of the movies nominated what with the baby and all. That doesn't stop us from filling out our ballots with our guesses. So far, we're tied. Not sure what the prize is for the winner, but I'll think of something. This blog will return to regular blogging tomorrow, I promise. For now, I'm too wrapped up in the television and trying to relax. Ok, got to go... George Clooney is up.

Quick update before I get back to my Saturday night of relaxation: Daniel and I came to a compromise and took our friend Cristina's suggestion about getting an antenna. We got an indoor one this afternoon and it's all hooked up and ready for us to watch the Academy Awards tomorrow. I. Am. Excited! We'll see how that goes and what we think of the channels we're able to get and then decide from there. There's always the chance I could absolutely hate having television available to my every whim again and ask that we put the dreaded thing away... as I'm not really a fan of it's aesthetics on top of our entertainment center. We could both decide that we just lurve getting to watch the idiot box and want cable so we can watch more. I'm thinking that won't happen, but you never know.

I could really use a weekend getaway. Really. But since that's not going to happen, I'll settle for relaxing in the house with Zoe and Daniel. I need mellow. I need a bubble bath. I need good movies and snuggling on the couch. Oh, and I wouldn't mind lots of sushi and some wine. And some time with my camera.

Anyone who's been reading this blog for a while (or has gone through my archives) knows that prior to Daniel and I finding each other I was married to an Assface. I know just about everyone considers their ex to be somewhat of an ass, that is why they become exes after all... but he really, really was an ass. For the most part I don't really think about him anymore but occasionally something will spur a bad memory. For instance, despite being a great movie franchise - I abhor 'The Godfather' trilogy. It could have something to do with me having watched each installment at least ten times a year for six years. It could also have something to do with him choosing what our bridal party wore based on what “Connie's" bridal party wore - I had to really fight for them to not wear those big hats. And our first dance? The theme from Godfather. So, yes... Godfather brings back some horrible memories. Don't even get me started on all the other gangster movies and hi...

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When Daniel and I moved into our first apartment together (about four and a half years ago) we decided we didn't want to have cable any more. We talked about it and decided we wasted too much time watching shows we didn't really want to watch because they were readily available. We felt like we'd become slaves to our television and were burnt out on all the reality shows and crappy commercials. We resolved to just rent or buy DVD's of the shows we were interested in. We enjoyed not having to wait a week to see the next episode of Alias or whatever. But I felt like I missed out getting to see the Kerry/Bush debates in 2004. And I've missed the last five years of award season. I also missed the 2004 Summer Olympics in Athens. And the 2006 Winter Olympics in Torino. I've missed all of it and I don't want to miss anymore. I want to follow the current election. I want to see the candidates faces when they debate. I want to watch the opening ceremony for the Summe...

The weather was so lovely here yesterday afternoon that Daniel and I decided to push Zoe around in her stroller in the Market Place near our grocery store. We enjoyed people watching and window-shopping and decided to check out what was new in the small bookstore that also has a comic shop in the back. We were stopped by this very nice woman who was all set up at a table doing a book signing for her two novels. She asked me to please read the back of them and said she knew I would like them. She'd said she'd written her soul into these books and wanted me to read them. Now, I'm not sure if she saw me walking in and knew I was a push over, or what - but I found her to be very convincing. I agreed to purchase one of her books and then she persisted: "I really wish I could just give you this book. I really worked hard on this one." Maybe it was her expression, or the way she complimented my baby but I caved. I bought two books from her that I have absolutely no inter...

I'm telling you, I was not looking forward to cooking this weekend. I woke up today feeling tired and not in the mood to go to the grocery store let alone do even the slightest bit of prep work. Well, there was no getting out of going to the grocery store - we needed stuff! But I did manage to find this little recipe on the internet. I'd actually picked out something even more simple, but this one sounded good to Daniel so I decided to make it. Sooooo SIMPLE! Combine the following in your Crockpot: 1 can black beans, drained 1 can corn 1/2 cup of your favorite salsa (I used a cup here) After stirring, add: 4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts 1/2 cup more salsa Cook on low for 3 hours. Add 1 block of cream cheese & cook for one more hour. Serve over rice with flour tortillas. I had my doubts about this one since it was not looking so appetizing when I checked on it. I was so worried I thought we might have to repeat our Valentines dinner: But it turned out pretty darn good....

Popping her sock is one of Zoe's favorite things. She'll make sure we see her going for her sock and when we say "Don't you take that sock off!", she smiles and takes it off immediately. It's become a little game for her: A GIRL AND HER SOCK "Ho Hum. What should I do?" "Should I get my sock?" "Yeah! I'm gonna get my sock!" "Gotcha sock!" "See this? I got my sock!" Join us next week for a girl and her binkie....

The other night when Daniel and I were in bed getting ready to fall asleep for the night, I whispered to him that sometimes I feel like I don't have a purpose. It's not a feeling I have all the time, but I do have those fleeting moments where I feel like I'm just not doing anything worthwhile. He right away said that raising our daughter is a big purpose and he couldn't be more right. Raising her is a huge responsibility and is probably my greatest purpose in life. She and her father bring me great joy knowing that I'm making them happy. But what I mean is something different. I need to feel proud of myself and right now I'm just in a funk. Usually when I feel myself in this funk it's because I am not pushing myself towards a goal. I need goals. This Weight Watchers thing is certainly a goal, but I mean creatively. I've been feeling like that creative spark has been missing lately and blogging every single day doesn't really fill that void. I don...

There was a time when Valentines Day meant picking out the perfect Valentine for the boy I had a crush on, giving it to him, and wishing he'd ask me to be his Valentine. When I was in school, no one ever asked me to be theirs. There was a time when holidays like Valentines Day were the only days I might not get yelled at or pushed around by my ex. I looked forward to those days for different reasons than what Hallmark intended. There was a time when I thought Valentines Day was stupid. Just another day invented by companies who benefited off of all the suckers who bought cards, candy, lingerie, etc. I resented the day because I did not believe in it, because I didn't think there was such thing as the love the day was supposed to represent. And then I met Daniel shortly before Valentines Day 2003. We had conversations about how silly we thought the day was - all the pink and red and "I love you". We balked at the day because I think we were afraid of it. When the day f...

After nearly twenty minutes of playing with Zoe last night and making her laugh big belly laughs that made her turn bright red and shake with glee, I decided this just might be something we might want to have on video. Genius, I am. So here it is, Zoe laughing at the funny noises and faces I was making at her. She's slightly worn out, so the laugh doesn't have quite the same gusto, but clearly she's a happy girl!

Mind: I'm afraid of clowns. I can remember what friends ate for breakfast three years ago and yet I am horrible at memorizing lines and I often forget something I said minutes after the fact. I love making lists; they give me peace of mind. Body: I like to point my toes and I also enjoy plucking my eyebrows. I can fit my fist in my mouth, but I cannot cross my eyes - I've tried, many times. I flare my nostrils when I'm upset. I growl at the dog children to let them know they are in trouble. Food: I like ketchup on my chicken (as a kid it was a necessary addition). I'm a fan of peanut butter and cheddar cheese sandwiches. I add Tabasco to almost everything. I will only eat my eggs scrambled well or in a very cooked omelet. If I see egg whites I freak, and hard-boiled eggs make me gag. I do not like my food on my plate to touch unless I specifically make it touch. Decorating: I like looking at a room upside down. I enjoy home makeover shows and cry every time I watch Ext...

Ingredients: 1.5 lbs Sirloin steak 2 Medium potatoes, cut into 1-inch pieces 2 Cups frozen cut green beans ( I omitted because Daniel is not a fan .) 1 Small onion sliced and separated into rings 1 16 oz. jar thick and chunky salsa* 1 14 oz. can beef broth 1 Tspn. dried basil 2 cloves garlic, minced Shredded Monterey Jack or Mexican blend cheese I also added a dash of some cooking wine and a few shakes of some garlic salt... and about 8 oz. of another salsa I love that has fire roasted chilies in it. I'm going to keep the name under wraps and call it my "secret ingredient". Prep: Cut meat into 1-inch pieces. In a slow cooker place potatoes, green beans, and onion. Add meat. In a medium bowl stir together salsa, beef broth, basil, and garlic. Pour mixture over items in cooker. Cover and cook on low for 8-10 hours (or on high for 4-5 hours). Sprinkle each serving with cheese. This has got to be the best damn soup I have ever had and the fact that I made it makes it even mo...

Right this moment I am sitting up straight on my bed, legs sprawled in front of me, typing on my laptop. The day has been long, but a good one. My house is clean for our guests that arrived this afternoon. Our budget for the next two weeks has been carefully logged in a spreadsheet - we are on a conservative budget (must stay away from Target!) The fridge is filled with our purchases from the grocery (enough food for lunch and dinner for seven days for $160, not bad). I feel exhausted but content. Right this moment my husband is in the living room with his college roommate (our best man at our wedding) relaxing and watching his friend play Call of Duty on our PS3. It's awesome how they're able to pick up where they leave off, almost like they haven't been separated by time and space. I imagine that ten, twenty and thirty years (and beyond) from now they will be making each other laugh, telling stories, talking politics and playing video games. That saying "The more thi...

Ever have one of those days where you just want to feel pretty - no, special? Normally, I would laugh at myself thinking this way, but not today. Today I want to feel glamorous. I want to feel pampered. I want a mani and a pedi and to enjoy a hot bubble bath. I want to feel healthy and alive. I want to dance in my living room and sing my favorite songs. I don't know what's gotten in to me, but I sort of like it. The necklace I'm wearing is by the lovely and talented Andrea . She made a matching bracelet for me and I wore them both on my wedding day. Two and a half years later, I still adore them and like to wear them for special occasions and days like today where I want an extra spring in my step. They make me feel empowered and beautiful - like a Superhero .

I got to talk to a friend today and our little convo got me to thinking about some things about myself. This is just kind of free writing... I'm the one who will smile at you from across a room. I will have conversations with the cashier at the grocery, the bookseller at Borders, the barista, and the person in line next to me. I will put your cart back in the stall, but I will think you are inconsiderate for just pushing it away from your vehicle. I'll curse under my breath if you cut me off, but I won't let it ruin my day. I will forgive you just about anything if you say you're sorry and seem to mean it. I believe in second chances - and third and forth. I will continue to give you chances unless you prove yourself unworthy. FYI, you’d have to really suck for me to not want to give you the benefit of the doubt or the opportunity to rectify a situation. I don't hold grudges. I don't expect too much, or too little. I believe people are good even if I've seen...

I've got nothing especially riveting for you today. Cheryl took Zoe for me again so I could continue to rest and focus on getting to feel better. I stayed in bed for a majority of the day reading the second half of " Interred With Their Bones " (a novel about occult Shakespeare - very "Da Vinci Code", but not). It was a page-turner and I loved it. I'm on the look out for another good book to read, but I feel like I need a day to process this book first. I attempted to take a bath (for only the second time since we moved in here this past October) but that was not in the cards since I was not able to get the hot water to work. Defeated, I gave in and just took a fast luke warm shower, and went to go pick up Zoe. Daniel and I had a nice dinner at Mac Grill. A precocious three year old in the booth behind us stared at the baby and me almost the entire time - that was fun. There were a few instances where I thought she just might flip over the booth and fall on ...

I do NOT feel "super" physically. I do, however feel pretty darn good about dragging my sick body out of the house and exercising my right to vote. I hope you were able to get out and do the same. We're not going to talk about Fat Tuesday, mmkay? Cheers!

Today is the day I'm supposed to be posting about how I'm doing with Weight Watchers and actually show you a pic, but I'm not going to - today. This weekend kicked my ass and while Zoe seems to be feeling better (thanks, everyone for your well wishes) her mom is feeling like she's been kicked in the head and her throat is on fire. Between Zoe's germs, exhaustion and all those sick people in the very cold (freezing) ER, I've got it bad - and that is no good when you still need to take care of your little one. I know, you've heard this all before and I sympathize... but I need to vent. When I walked into the kitchen this morning to warm up a bottle for Zoe, one of the dog children had left me a big ol' "present". I cleaned that up and went into Zoe's room to discover an even worse "present" that the doc said to expect from the antibiotics. Add to that me having what I think is pink eye/conjunctivitis and the worst cramps I've ha...

Today is not another month milestone. I just needed to write you and tell you how much I love you. Two days ago you had a fever. I changed my appointment for my annual and your Daddy and I took you to see your pediatrician. He told us you had a sore throat and to give you Tylenol to fight the fever. No biggie. I went on to my annual and ended up discussing when we're going to start trying to give you a baby brother or sister. Your dad and I talked a little about it and resolved to talk more about it during the weekend, but we never really got a chance because that evening your fever spiked to 103 and we took you to the Urgent Care that is attached to the hospital where you were born. The docs saw you almost right away and I think they thought your mom and dad were very silly. You sat there in just your diaper and had the sweetest disposition, ever. You did not care when they took your temperature. You were also fairly low key when they took chest X-rays and when they did a urinalys...

As much as I love being a mom, I think I may have found my least favorite thing about being a mother: sick baby. Seeing your little one feeling bad is torture. Last night we ended up taking Zoe to the ER because her temperature was so high - one reading was 104, but for most of the night she was 103.6. The sweet little one had Daniel and I on alert, worrying and stressing and willing to deal with the ER on a Friday night. Despite her fever, she was alert and looking around at everyone. She was yelling and talking and flirting and laughing like she usually does. Frankly, I think she enjoyed all the attention. Three hours later, we were on our way home after ruling out pneumonia (chest X-rays) and a bladder infection (urinalysis via catheter). We're told to just ride this fever out, give her Tylenol and Motrin every three hours and to keep her hydrated. Last night the whole family slept horribly and this morning we're all feeling kind of crappy. Even Bailey is having issues with...

Our little perfect sleeper was up a lot last night - I think between the two of us we were up at least ten times trying to soothe her. The very last time I decided I was going to just bring her in bed with me. What she wanted was to be held and if at all possible for me to make sure her soothie never left her mouth. We both snoozed for a bit while Daniel got ready for work - when we woke up I felt her burning up. 102 degree fever. I got worried and called the doc and they had us bring her in. Turns out she's got a sore throat and we just have to ride it out. The good news is she is the most pleasant baby ever and being sick doesn't drag her down. The bad news is we had to cancel our date night. We had Cheryl lined up to watch her while we went for dinner and a play (the one I was supposed to be in) and then possibly drinks after. But it's OK. I'm sort of looking forward to just nesting here with my little family. I had my yearly check-up today and that was.... interesti...