Inevitably Keely

You are now 4 months and 1 day old. I’m a day late, but seriously? I’m surprised I’m not a week late. For one, your mama is feeling like crud today and two; the days are going by so fast! I’ve yet to write in your baby book. I know, I know. Terrible. I have however, placed your baby book in a messenger bag and transported it to San Diego twice in the last month. That’s something. Oh, and your birth announcements? They are slowly trickling out to the family. I know. Someday I’ll look back and laugh with you about all of this and I’ll tell you to not sweat the stuff I am freaking out about here. You won’t listen because new moms? This is just what we do, freak out. Anyway. This is about you. The last month was exhausting. So exhausting that I am struggling to think of words to type here. You went to Cheryl’s four times. On your second visit to Cheryl’s, (while your daddy and I went for dinner and a movie) you rolled over for the first time by yourself. When Cheryl told us she prefaced it...

A year ago today, I took a home pregnancy test and found out that Daniel and I were well on our way to becoming parents. From that moment, my life changed. I remember watching as the line rapidly formed in the window. I stood up and my heart was beating fast. I was overwhelmed with joy, with this huge sense of pride and accomplishment. I remember washing my hands slowly and looking in the mirror. I was beaming. I was going to be a mom. Already, I was a mom! Getting to share that moment with Daniel: when I rushed into our bedroom and jumped on the bed as he tried to catch his last couple hours of sleep in peace was (and I think always will be) one of the most exciting moments in our marriage. And scary. And I think that's what I've learned in the past year. Being a mom-to-be, a mom, a parent is a series of highs and lows, of pride and embarrassment, or accomplishments and even failures. It's rolling with the punches, the setbacks, the sleepless nights and going forward. Lau...

So, it's a nice Saturday afternoon. I'm fighting off some creeping crud that has infected my throat and is making me feel like crap with a capitol "C". I have a pain in my right shoulder that has persisted for nearly a week and at times feels like the muscle and tissue are tearing or just being beat on by a very strong person with an iron fist. Daniel is taking a nap because he was up with the little one until two in the morning. Our house is a mess. We're dog sitting four dogs for a friend of ours (at his house thank goodness) who has dog-sitted for us numerous times and is in L.A doing a show, so that means we’re going back and forth between his house and ours. We're on super budget, logging every single purchase and bill into an Excel worksheet so we can manage our spending better and save some money/ pay off our debts. We're moving into a new house and have until October 31st to get all our stuff out of the old house and clean it.... I don't know w...

A week ago, I took Zoe to Cheryl's for the first time so I could have a "Mama Monday" (this week we're doing it tomorrow since Daniel is off for Labor Day). When I got to the car with the kiddo, I saw a card and a note from Daniel on the dashboard. I'd assumed it was a note telling me to enjoy myself and not worry about the baby since I'd been feeling a little guilty and emotional about having a day without her. Nope. It was an early birthday card and an urging for me to go out and have a fun day of shopping. So I did. I got tons of new clothes as my birthday present from Daniel. Awesome. We got to San Diego late Thursday night and Zoe's present to me was staying up with me until 2am. I'm choosing to believe she wanted to be the first to wish me happy birthday. My actual birthday was spent walking around, having lunch with Daniel and Zoe, watching Daniel cut off all of his hair, and spending time playing with Zoe and her new walker that my parents got ...

Today is my last day of being 30. Tomorrow, I will be 31. Crazy how that works out. 30 was a good age for me. We finally conceived Zoe (September 4!). I was pregnant: (The morning we found out) I was in The Full Monty and did the Cha Cha every weekend for four weeks with "all day sickness". I got closer to friends here in Bakersfield. I had an awesome vacation in San Diego with Daniel. I took some cool photos. I mended some fences. I grew. Literally: I think I became a better person, wife, friend, daughter, mother. I laughed a lot and cried a little. I was happy. I learned a lot. I ate better. I enjoyed the little pleasures and appreciated life's gifts even more. I finally learned to not be a baby about shots, getting blood drawn and IV's. I had a baby. I drank a lot of coffee, lost a lot of sleep, took as many naps as I could and got to see what an amazing father my husband is. I strived to be the best mom I can be. I learned to take "me time". And last...

You are now 3 months and 4 days old. I’m five days late writing this letter, I know. I’ve been too busy gawking at how amazing I think you are, giving you lots of hugs, feeding you and taking your picture to sit down and write you a letter. Oh, and while I’m confessing, you should know that I haven’t touched your baby book since the nurse put your hand and foot prints in it. I know. Horrible. But I do write you these letters and I do have big plans for that darn book, you’ll see. In the last month, your dad and I have really started to see your personality come out. You’re like your mother, and your Nana K, and my Nana (OK, and all your great-aunts) in that you really use your eyebrows to express yourself. You alternate between the left and right eyebrow and sometimes you have both of them up at the same time, almost to say, “What the HELL are you people doing?!” Sometimes you get this concerned look like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. It’s not, baby… that’s what your m...

My little family is taking a trip to San Diego today to be with my family. (Heya Mom! I know you read this, so there you go. We love you guys. See you tonight) I'm not one for sudden/unplanned trips (not anymore). Trips with Zoe usually take more planning, but Daniel and I felt like my parents needed some baby lovin' from their granddaughter. I'm not going to get into detail here because my dad just doesn't get the whole blogging thing and would probably hate for me to write about it here. All I'm going to say is, cancer sucks ass. And that there might come a day where I have to write more on that topic here because this is my outlet. I censor myself all the time because family reads this and I don't want to shock them, but I need this venue. I process stuff by writing about it and I'm suddenly feeling like I'm processing a lot. Of course, my dad would say I should keep it private. Maybe he's right, but I've benefitted from other people writing a...