Dear Zoe

You are now 4 months and 1 day old. I’m a day late, but seriously? I’m surprised I’m not a week late. For one, your mama is feeling like crud today and two; the days are going by so fast! I’ve yet to write in your baby book. I know, I know. Terrible. I have however, placed your baby book in a messenger bag and transported it to San Diego twice in the last month. That’s something. Oh, and your birth announcements? They are slowly trickling out to the family. I know. Someday I’ll look back and laugh with you about all of this and I’ll tell you to not sweat the stuff I am freaking out about here. You won’t listen because new moms? This is just what we do, freak out.

Anyway. This is about you.

The last month was exhausting. So exhausting that I am struggling to think of words to type here.

You went to Cheryl’s four times. On your second visit to Cheryl’s, (while your daddy and I went for dinner and a movie) you rolled over for the first time by yourself. When Cheryl told us she prefaced it by saying she hoped you’d done it for one of us already. I exclaimed, “No! Yay!” and then I’m pretty sure I clapped my hands. This is what we call over compensating. Inside I felt sad and guilty that I missed that milestone. I know that there are others, so just do me a favor and try not to do them all at Cheryl’s house OK? Those milestones, they make the tough times easier to bear.

Tough times like, teething. Teething sucks, baby. It sucks for you and it sucks for us. I mean, teeth are good but why does it have to be so darn painful? You had your moments where in the span of just a minute you were giggling and then sobbing. This breaks my heart because I can’t do a whole lot to fix this for you. You’re working on getting three teeth in all at once right now and we’ve got a lot more to go.

I’m shocked that I am about to type this, but morning has become my favorite part of the day. This morning, for example, you woke up quietly. I was laying in bed tossing and turning looking at the bowl on my nightstand wondering if I could make it to the bathroom and you were in your bed cooing. I rushed into the bathroom and when I came back you were looking at me wide eyed and smiling. You wiggled back and forth like my little wiggle worm just smiling and giggling at me. This is pretty much how you have been for the past month and I am totally cool with this continuing for the next 18 years, except for me feeling ill. Of course, eventually you will have to start waking up before nine and these late (10 or 11!) mornings aren’t going to last forever.

Now nighttime? Isn’t so easy. A couple weeks ago you woke up suddenly just screaming and crying. Your dad and I jumped out of bed and we held you close. You’d gone from peacefully sleeping to screaming bloody murder in seconds and it terrified me. You’ve done this a few more times since then but we’re dealing with it. Sometimes I think it’s the teething, but I’m beginning to think you’re worried about being alone. This weekend I carried you in the Baby Bjorn at the mall while your dad walked next to me. We decided we were going to split up for a few minutes and as soon as your dad walked away, you freaked. We’re thinking it’s because you couldn’t see me and watching him walk away scared you. You like to have us in your site and if possible, within your grip at all times. We’re thinking it’s separation anxiety, but it’s just a theory.

We do a lot of theorizing and guessing. But we also do pretty well at knowing your tells. You’ve become very vocal in the past month and while you’re not saying words, you do tell us when you are tired, hungry, want your binkie, need to be changed and want to be held. You grunt and yell and “talk” in “sentences”.

You also turn your head from side to side when you are really tired or unhappy with your situation.

What else?

You love your stroller. Just this weekend as we pushed you around, you could feel the breeze on your face. You arched your neck back a little and held your hands out to feel the air. It was a new experience and you enjoyed it. So did we.

You love Bailey and Max. You watch them very intently and smile at them when they come up to you to visit, sniff and lick. You have a tendency to open your mouth when Max licks you like you would like to bite his nose. We’re going to have to keep our eyes on you two.

You love your Jumperoo.

You love television. Yeah. I’m a little unsure how I feel about this, but it is fun to watch you as you watch your Teletubbies or our shows. You sit up and talk to the people on the screen and seem so involved with what is going on. You laugh at House.

You love the mirror and when I pull up Photobooth on my Mac.

You love my Mac, well any computer actually. Your favorite sites are my blog, flickr and pbskids. You also like itunes and band websites.

You love your binkie. And I love your binkie.

You love when we talk and sing to you.

We love you.


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