Friday, August 01, 2008

A New Day

I just wanted to take a moment and thank you for being so nice. Your comments and emails in response to my last post were very touching and made me a little bit teary. To have that support really means a lot to me.

As far as how I'm doing now... I'm great. I was on my way to being over my rough patch when I sat down and wrote what I did the other day and I think spilling my words onto the computer only helped in that process. I think what most of you said is absolutely correct: right now is an understandably stressful time in my life. Being a mom to a toddler is unpredictable and exhausting... and wonderful. Add being seventeen/almost eighteen weeks pregnant to that and you've got a plethora of hormones making you, well ME - an emotional mess.

I can sort of laugh about all the crying I did for a while there because at the beginning of this pregnancy I could not cry - I mean, not that I wanted to… but I couldn't cry. It was weird! For those of you who know me personally I am a self-professed "Cry Baby". I can be one of the strongest people you know and I'm sort of tough - ahem... but movies, Grey's Anatomy, Extreme Makeover Home Edition, sweet emails, heartfelt blog posts will turn me into a blubbering fool. Except not in the first eight to ten weeks of this pregnancy! And it was weird! So weird that I once exclaimed to Daniel after an especially emotional scene in the season finale of Grey's: Why am I not crying? What is wrong with me? I've got nothing, not even a tear! This is DEFINITELY a boy!" Weird. But hey, I was right... boy. I’m now pointing at my belly, just so you know.

And then all of a sudden it was like the flood gates opened and I was crying about everything. Then I thought, well maybe this IS a girl. But I was wrong. I was just tired and nervous and stressed and emotional. And even if I did feel slightly defeated by my emotions, I'm beginning to understand that it's time for me to just allow myself to run the gamut of emotions and quit putting unreasonable expectations on myself. Coming to that realization and just allowing myself to feel what I've been feeling without apologies has been freeing and I feel better already.

So, thanks for reading and being a part of it.

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