Wednesday, May 07, 2008

We're Back*

I've been tired lately. Really Tired. Cranky. And I'm going to go ahead and say it... bored with blogging. My heart stopped being in it for a while there. I was feeling restless. I was feeling like there was something off with me and I wasn't sure what... so I decided what I really needed was a break from this blogging commitment. It's been kind of hard for me in the last couple weeks to stay away. Last week we got some news that sort of turned my world upside down. And then Zoe came down with Bronchiolitis, which has been really hard. I kept wanting to turn to my blog to share, but I kept away until today.

What I did do is write a letter to my darling monkey. I thought I would share that with you now:

Written on Thursday, May 1st, 2008
Dearest Zoe,

Today is a very important day for our little family: I took a home pregnancy test and found out that you are going to be a big sister. Your Daddy and I are extremely excited for this new adventure and for what this means for you. A small part of me is overwhelmed and shocked that this is coming so soon for us.

Your dad and I first started talking about giving you a sibling while I was still pregnant with you. That desire only grew stronger as we brought you home and got to know you. Being a new parent is not easy, but we found ourselves imagining that we could do this and wanting to have a larger family.

We’d originally planned on waiting until this August to start trying, but after talking with our nurse practitioner about it we decided to start trying this past February. Given the time it took to make you, we thought there was no sense waiting. We fully expected to give it a few months and then start again on the infertility journey again. Just yesterday I had started that ball rolling and had set up a blood test to check my hormone levels and see what we could do to get me on that road. I haven’t had a cycle since the weekend after you were in the ER, but had taken a couple tests (one in March, one at the beginning of April). I had told the nurse on the phone that I felt like I was still ovulating, but I just didn’t know for sure.

I’ve been complaining for the last week or so about my body temperature. In Texas, I was freezing whenever we were in Grammy and Grandpa Ricks house. When we got home, I felt like I was having hot flashes. I told your dad I felt weird, different. And then last night Bailey was especially clingy – keeping her head close to my belly just like she did before we even knew you were growing inside me.

Your dad kissed me good morning/goodbye this morning and I asked him to wait just a minute before he left. I got up, went into the bathroom and grabbed the last test I had in our cabinet. I thought to myself that I was wasting a test and that we’d have to buy more when the time came. I was so tired I didn’t even turn the light on in the bathroom, but very quickly I saw a line form. I remember thinking it was strange that it was forming on the wrong side and then I saw the second line and I felt my heart jump in my throat. I swung the door open into your daddy’s and my bedroom and showed him the stick. And then I started laughing, uncontrollable laughs that seemed to burst from me. We were pregnant. Your dad instantly tried to do the math and figure out when your sibling would arrive. He’s saying January, but I’m not so sure. We won’t know for a while how far along I actually am.

What we do know is that we love you. You are one of the greatest gifts we’ve ever been given and we worked so hard to get you here with us. You will always be my Zo-Zo Monkey. You will always be my little girl. Life is about to change for us all, but there is always that constant. My life changed the day you were conceived, and I am forever grateful for you coming into our lives. You’re going to be a great big sister! I love you infinitely.

* And by "We", I REALLY mean we.

There you go, Missy. I told you it wouldn't be much longer! :)

And.... Hi Matt! So, yeah... when Daniel and I said maybe a little sooner than a year, we had no idea how right we actually were. We're thrilled.

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