Friday, September 26, 2008

100 Days

Well, according to my calendar and due date, Finnegan should be here in 100 days. My guess is he'll actually be here between 90 and 95 days because he'll definitely be a c-section baby and I'd really like to have him come prior to New Year's Day. Why you ask? Purely practical reasons : taxes. Clearly, we want him to come when he is ready but having an additional dependent won't hurt us come April. I'm really hoping for between December 26th and the 29th. I know that is pretty specific, but I really want to be home with Zoe for Christmas and since Daniel's birthday is New Year's Eve I would like him to not have to spend it in a cramped recovery room on an uncomfortable cot. Never mind that if I get my way he'll be changing a lot of diapers and getting very little sleep as his "present". I think he'll think it's all worth it to get to celebrate his 30th! birthday with his little girl and new baby boy. We're so excited!

I realize my trying to plan when Finn will be here is a little crazy. I realize that in the end, it all depends on what our doctor says regarding how Finnegan is doing developmentally. Taxes, holidays, or birthdays be damned - all I really want is a healthy baby boy and an uncomplicated c-section. But a girl can hope/plan, right?

You see, I like to plan. I like to make lists. I like to be prepared. I like to know what to expect, and if possible I like to control or direct outcomes. I'm pretty sure I've been this way since I was Zoe's age and just so you know this trait of mine is very evident in my little girl. Big time! I see power struggles in our futures.

That all said, I am FREAKING out. We're not prepared for Finnegan's arrival. I started making a list of things we needed to do and I never finished it... and then lost it! I've lost my planning skills since Zoe has become a toddler! I just looked back at my blog and calendar during my pregnancy with Zoe and I was WAAAY ahead of schedule at this point:

At 20 weeks with Zoe, the crib was built.
At 21 weeks we had the changing table and glider built.
At 22 weeks the bedding was set up and we'd pre-registered at the hospital.
By 26 weeks we'd built a bookcase and hung art on the walls. Baby laundry was getting done.

I'll be 26 weeks along as of Sunday and I've done squat. Well, we did get a closet organizer and some canvas bins for our closet since we'll be sharing it and our bedroom with Finn. I needed to see if we were going to be able to share our closet with him and still have room for all our junk stuff. But that's it. That's all we've done!

I know the second baby is different. I know we've got our hands full with Zoe and that time is more sparse now that we're chasing her around the house all the time. We don't have the luxury of relishing this pregnancy and working on home improvement projects quite as much because we also have a little girl to take care of and play with.

Then there's the whole money issue. Financially, we're just in a different place than we were when we were expecting Zoe. We were in a smaller house that cost less to rent. With that smaller space and lower energy costs, we were paying less for utilities. We had more expendable income and we got some very generous Christmas money gifts that we used for Zoe's nursery so we were comfortable. This time around we're on a tighter budget. We're wanting to create a special place for Finnegan in a small nook in our room that was originally going to be an office, but we're nowhere near that point yet and don't have enough saved to get furniture or bedding.

Last night I was telling Daniel how worried I was. That I really want Finn to have what Zoe had - I want him to know we were as excited for him as we were for Zoe. I need us to get serious and get all the things done around the house in preparation for our baby boy. Lucky for me, Daniel knows how to calm me down. He balances my craziness and temporary pessimism with an optimistic attitude. He's patient with my needing to plan and do things way ahead of time despite his not really feeling that same sense of urgency that I do. He helps me laugh at myself, my hyperactive nesting instincts, and my roller coaster hormones. He tells me "If Finn came tomorrow we would be fine, we're OK." To which I say, "No! We won't! Finnegan, you listen to your mother and you stay in there for at least ninety more days!" --- And when I said that I was referring to the fact that Finn still has a lot of growing to do... Daniel is absolutely right, we'd get by fine with what we have.

So what I'm trying to say is: Send good thoughts/well wishes to my poor husband - his wife is in freak out/nesting mode and the next 100 days could be interesting.

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