Inevitably Keely

If I'm not making the conscious effort not to think about Sunday, the memories rush at me vividly. I see the truck zooming towards us. I feel the breath taken away from me as I think we're going to be able to get out of his way and then the realization that we can't. I see his truck hit us as I'm twisting in my seat to grab for my children. I see Zoe's face. I see the truck. I feel the impact. I hear Finnegan screaming. I see Zoe's face. I hear the impact. And he hits us. It feels like he hits us again, and again, and again. I don't understand what is happening. Why is he hitting us over and over again?! I feel the hoarseness in my throat as I scream. I'm screaming over and over again. I'm yelling for God. I'm yelling for my little girl. I'm cursing the other driver. Why is he doing this to us?! I'm seeing Zoe's little face, it is contorted, sobbing, screaming. I'm hearing my children screaming and crying with me. I can't hear...

Hello, blog! How are you? It has been so very long since I've looked at you or written words to be posted on you. Remember when I said I would write more often? I was serious. Seriously. But then I got wrapped up in all this being a mom stuff and I literally felt like there was barely time to breathe let alone try to pick up my camera or type a post. And then I got sick... and Zoe got sick and then Finn got sick like, 6 hours later and then oh my goodness! Daniel got sick. So my entire family was on antibiotics and we were all miserable and cranky. And then I turned 33, but I felt horrible and so did the kids so we just stayed home and were miserable together - but eating cake! - instead of partying like rock stars and drinking adult beverages while the kids hung out with their Cheryl and Chuck-Chuck like we'd planned. And then on the very last day of taking her antibiotics, Zoe broke out in a rash. It was a crazy rash that started on her neck one afternoon, spread to her back ...

For the last couple months I've been trying to make taking Zoe to story time a part of our "Girl's Day" ritual. It gives Zoe an opportunity to interact with kids her age: sing, dance, play, and listen to a story. I like to make it a big event for her: I get her up, put her in a cute dress, attempt to do her hair and then we go to Starbucks for a special treat before we head to the "main event". Last week, we had Finnegan with us since their 3rd grandma (a very special lady who has become our kid's surrogate grandma since we have no family here in Bakersfield) was taking a much deserved week off. I was a little worried how it would all go since Zoe is used to it being "our thing" and well, I wasn't sure how Finn would be with the large crowd. First stop: Starbucks. We forgo the drive-thru and always go inside on our "Girl's" mornings. It gives Zoe a chance to be more independent. She's very friendly with all the customers a...

My son is sitting on the floor in front of me as I type. And that seems like such a monumental thing, because days ago I was asking my mama friends on facebook for advice on what to do with this son of mine who refuses to be happy unless he is in my arms. I wasn't used to this type of baby as Zoe was independent and happy almost all the time. Friends said things would change once he was sitting up on his own and while I was grateful for a light at the end of the tunnel, I didn't believe them. Not really. I was convinced I was doing something wrong even if I knew that was ridiculous. Finnegan has been sitting up on his own for a week now and he thinks he is the coolest baby ever, you can tell by that arched eyebrow and the huge grin. He's not like other babies I've seen, who slouch and struggle to hold their heads up. Nope. He sits up straight as an arrow and waves his arms around, yelling and laughing. Last week at Zoe's dance class I sat him in front of a little bo...

I think - aside from the worry you feel when your child is sick - right now the hardest thing for me about being a mother is remembering that I am more than Zoe and Finnegan's mother. Does that make sense? What I mean is, sometimes, I feel myself getting so wrapped up in the children and the act of mothering them, I forget that I am more than that. I forget to nurture the other facets of my life. I forget that I am also a wife, a friend, a daughter, a creative. I forget to take the time to take care of the things that make me who I am. I forget that I am the sum of ALL my parts and that ignoring any part for too long makes me antsy, frustrated, and less proud of who I am. Now, clearly... having two children ages 2 and almost 7 months means you have less time for other stuff. It means that these two little beings depend on you for everything and that other things take the backseat. I understand that. I embrace that. I am so happy that I get to stay home with these kids. When the cho...

Just after Zoe’s 2 nd birthday, Daniel and I finally bit the bullet and had a fence installed around the pool in our backyard. After nearly nineteen months in this house we decided it was time. Zoe is one active little girl and we weren’t able to take full advantage of having such a lovely and large yard because we were constantly in fear of her running or falling straight into the pool. Zoe had grown tall enough to reach the doorknob and the thought of our daughter being in danger when there was something we could do about it was almost too much to bear for any longer than we already had. So we said goodbye to $2200 and have not regretted it once. In the last month we enjoyed many evenings as a family. Nothing wears out a toddler better than running around like a wild child, playing with her dogs and breathing in some fresh air. Ahem. Well, two out of three isn’t bad… We had some uncharacteristically lovely weather in the last month: moderate temperatures, slight breezes. Each ...

A couple months ago, Daniel and I signed Zoe up for her first dance class. We thought it would be good for her to have a fun activity for the summer that would allow her to make new friends and take advantage of her love of performing. We were also hoping that a dance class might teach her to follow directions a little bit better and instill as much discipline and focus as possible for a 2 year old. We didn't have huge expectations - humble ones, actually. I figured at worst, there's nothing cuter than a kid in a tutu, prancing around to music... and multiply that by infinity when it's your kid. So we prepared her. We talked about how she was going to get to take a dance class. We read her a book about ballerinas. We got her a couple leotards with tutu's, tap shoes, ballet shoes, and a special "monkey ballerina" dance bag. She was excited. We were excited. After weeks of hyping up the dance class, I got butterflies this morning as we got Zoe ready. Would she b...