Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Midnight Noise

So the thing about getting a new roof is, it is REALLY noisy. I knew this in theory, of course. But as the pulled the old roof apart and hammered the new roof in place, we all kind of went along with it.  I was super amazed that the girls managed to sleep in and at first they seemed kind of amused by all the banging. It was like music and they danced around and turned in abrupt circles in a sort of jerking motion and laughed. Fun. Getting a new roof is fun. And then they napped like champs and we were all thinking, "Wow! These girls! Amazing!" 

And then five rolls around. And then six. And then Charlotte had enough of all this business and she was NOT happy and she made sure we knew. She'd reached her breaking point with all that noise. Almost 11 hours of that constant racket had us ALL on edge by the time the roofers finally left. 

And then we got the kids ready for bed and I hugged them all extra tight and maybe I got a little emotional smelling the girls clean hair and reading them their favorite stories. Maybe I worked extra hard not to let the big kids hear my anxiety and that little strain in my voice when I asked them to take care of each other and the babies and Nana and Baba while we are finding our house. 

Mr Cool (Finnie) has been so laid back about this move - "Let's go tomorrow. I'm ready!" that I've been watching him closely, waiting for his breaking point. Waiting for all the noise of moving to catch up to him. Today it did, in little ways. As he tried to reach the lock to let Nana in. As he tried to comfort Charlotte but then they both fell and got hurt. As he struggled with writing about school for homework because, he's "always working" and "it's not like it matters what (he) writes about his school because it's not like anyone will remember who he was anyway." And with every thing I could see he was feeling weighed down and sad because - this is a lot. He's incredibly smart and mature and handling this move like a champ, but today there was too much noise for him. I get it. 

And then there's Zoe who wants desperately to come with us tomorrow. She wants to make sure we find the right house and she gets the perfect school and what if she has "no kids to play with in the neighborhood" or what if "no one has room for me in their Girl Scout troop". She's sad to miss out on being on a plane and seeing Meg and all the fun things. "When we drive to California can I pick where we eat? Can I choose the music sometimes?" There's a strain in her voice. I can tell she feels like she has no control in all of this. She is my mini me and I know exactly how she feels. She wants to control the noise, but she can't. Sometimes you have to sit back and let the noise settle. Find peace in the fleeting moments.

And all of this is spinning in my head and I just want this to be quick and easy and for everyone to be happy. From my parents all the way down to that damn parrot who yelled, "Stop it. Sit down!" many times today. I want everyone to feel comfortable and happy. 

I'm always a little nervous the night before a flight. Going through my checklists and trying to remember every little thing like we're going to be far from a Target, or something. I should be sleeping now instead of writing this, but finally there is calm and the noise has stopped and I feel ready for the next few days. I needed to enjoy this peace and quiet for a bit.

You guys. We're going to find our next great home sometime between now and Saturday and it's going to be exactly the way it should be. 

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