Inevitably Keely

After sitting down this morning to do our biweekly budget, Daniel and I have bit the bullet and have made some promises to each other regarding our finances. We're doing fine, but we've been especially tight this summer. Between a recent wedding/family reunion and all the costs that went with that, gas costs, and unexpected high utility bills we're squeaking by without putting anything into savings. Honestly, we'd been doing so well on our $10/day budget and trying to use less energy around the house that I truly thought this pay period would be less tight. But, SURPRISE! A almost $500 PG&E bill surfaced today along with a big shot of reality that we have debts that just need to be paid off so that we can be less stressed biweekly and so we can get the things we need to be ready for our son. In addition to further committing to spend less, I sent out a couple emails to some friends and family explaining our situation a little and what we're doing about it. Here...

I just wanted to take a moment and thank you for being so nice. Your comments and emails in response to my last post were very touching and made me a little bit teary. To have that support really means a lot to me. As far as how I'm doing now... I'm great. I was on my way to being over my rough patch when I sat down and wrote what I did the other day and I think spilling my words onto the computer only helped in that process. I think what most of you said is absolutely correct: right now is an understandably stressful time in my life. Being a mom to a toddler is unpredictable and exhausting... and wonderful. Add being seventeen/almost eighteen weeks pregnant to that and you've got a plethora of hormones making you, well ME - an emotional mess. I can sort of laugh about all the crying I did for a while there because at the beginning of this pregnancy I could not cry - I mean, not that I wanted to… but I couldn't cry. It was weird! For those of you who know me personally ...

So, the last time I blogged I said that I'd be back. I insinuated that I would not be a stranger on this here blog, that I had a lot to say/share. I lied. Obviously. It's not that there hasn't been a lot going on - things worth sharing. Oh, there has. The thing is, I tend to go into shut down mode quite frequently. It's either shut down and stop communicating or spew it all out on this blog. Once upon a time that would have been my first go to (after talking to Daniel) but since I made that bold move to share this with friends and family that stopped being an option. I'm used to people seeing me in one light - and I don't like making people worry. I prefer keeping a smile on my face and sucking it up - I've been doing this since my early twenties when that felt like the only option. I imagine that my family can't handle seeing me any other way... so I sometimes hide how I feel because I find myself wanting to protect them. And as far as friends go, I...

I was inspired today by THIS Man/Photo to take some self-portraits after thinking about my experience with abuse. Six years ago I was married to someone who was physically and emotionally abusive. At the time, I did not know who to turn to. I was ashamed of myself for letting someone treat me so badly. I felt powerless. I was NOT powerless. After nearly six years, I finally left. I've moved on and found my true love and partner who I married two and a half years ago and we have a beautiful daughter who usually fills my flickr pages (and blog) with her cuteness. If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, please go to the National Domestic Violence Hotline website from a safe computer and find out how you can get help. You are not alone. 1 out of 3 women around the world has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime. This is unacceptable. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Join the Million Voices Campaign . Speak out again...

Here goes nothing: I weigh 250 pounds . * I thought in the interest of starting fresh with this new way of eating and losing weight, I should just put that out there for the world and me to see. The big motivation will be getting to update that number as my weight goes down. Because it has to go down. Pre-pregnancy I weighed 280, I went down to 260 while I was pregnant because I was being so careful with my carb intake and once Zoe was born I almost instantly lost the other 10. Since then I've been at a stand still mainly because I was not putting any effort into losing. I got lazy and went nuts when I was allowed to have pasta and rice and bread again. So there you go. Five years ago, (when I met Daniel) I weighed 180 pounds. I was on my feet for most of my day working at Pier One and I did heavy lifting every single week taking in the trucks of merchandise. I ate smaller amounts back then because I was too busy to sit down for a big meal. When I got injured and later diagnosed wi...

So, last night Daniel and I finally sat down and watched Waitress . Months ago, we saw the preview and complained about how it would never come to Bakersfield. The preview was the right amount of quirky about an unhappy waitress in a bad marriage that accidentally gets pregnant. It looked funny and we like Nathan Fillion since his Firefly and Serenity days (we're geeks like that) so when it came out on video a couple months ago we bought it. And then I kept putting off having us watch it. Something inside me told me no, don't do it. I'm glad we finally watched it. Adrienne Shelly was a brilliant writer. The dialogue in this movie was quick and honest. The characters were real and quirky. You could tell through her direction that she loved this world she'd created and the actors were behind her vision for this movie. I'm saddened that she is no longer here to keep making movies through her perspective. That all said: I had a hard time last night. Keri Russell...

This blog has been around for a while and it's been renamed a few times. It started off as "Little Miss Sunshine Girl", but that was such a long URL to type in and a long moniker to comment with. Then I renamed it "Sunshine Days". It was fitting for where my life was going, and it just worked. And then I took on "Inevitably Keely", because I grew tired of the sunshine attachment and wanted more of my real identity connected to my words. I've written as a recent divorcee; a singleton ; a girlfriend; a cohabitator ; a fiancé; a wife; a mom-to-be; a mama. I've written about a horrible marriage and what it took to heal from it, friendships gone bad, falling in love, living with my boyfriend, adopting puppies, planning a wedding, coping with my Nana's battle with cancer and later her passing , my own health issues , my adoring husband, our infertility journey and hopes to start a family, my pregnancy and our amazing baby girl. My words have ta...