Inevitably Keely

When I picked Zoe up from school on Friday, we didn't discuss the shootings.  I'm sure she could see that I was distraught and I definitely hugged her even more than I usually do (which is a lot) but I just couldn't deal with telling my five and a half year old that someone had walked into a school and done the unthinkable - to children her age, to people like her trusted and beloved teachers. I just didn't have the strength to have a calm discussion with her at that moment because inside, I was screaming and hysterical. We did talk about her day at school. We talked about how much fun she had wearing her flannel pajamas and robe to school. We talked about how she wants to wear her hair the way I did it that morning, at least once a week.  We talked about watching Polar Express and how happy she was that I was able to come to her classroom and make hot cocoa for her and her friends. She told me I make the "best hot cocoa, ever" and requested another cup rig

Crockpot Cookin' is all fun and games until you realize that a crucial ingredient is just over 2 months passed it's "Best if used by" date and the clock is ticking for it to cook for 6 hrs so you can serve dinner by 6. So then you grab your *almost 4* year old and toss him in the van and you race to the grocery (while you've got your husband on blue tooth talking you down from the crazy "I am not cut out to do things like this!" ledge. You wrap that up and he's very encouraging and you race through the grocery with your little boy (who has very short legs in times like this and does not run fast enough) and you grab the broth and make a mad dash to the register, but your son almost knocks down a five foot display of fruit cakes that was in the middle of the flipping aisle (for goodness sakes!) like the HULK, but he stops just short of disaster and very calmly says " It's alright, Mama. We're cool. " and he gently takes one finger an

I get at least a flutter of homesickness for Bakersfield once a day. Sometimes it strikes me as funny since there was a time when Daniel and I felt like all we had was each other and we wanted to get the hell out as soon as possible. We moved to Bakersfield (separately) within weeks of each other in 2003. Daniel, from Texas was starting a new job. I was starting a new life after leaving my ex. After six months in our new city, we met and quickly fell in love. I don't want to speak for Daniel here, but I didn't feel connected to Bakersfield for the longest time. I felt like an outsider amongst people who all seemed to have a history and it was lonely. Daniel and I would talk about leaving all the time. We were just waiting for his company to move him. Somewhere in the ten years we were there, we made some strong connections to people and places. We still talked about leaving (and there was a time last summer where I was so ready to leave and not look back) but it felt less

We're in our 3rd week of Kindergarten with Zoe and so far it's been a learning experience for all of us. For me, this has been quite the adjustment - turning my daughter over to people I do not know, who have no history with us as a family, for seven hours a day/5 days a week. I miss spending more time with Zoe and it's hitting me especially hard since we're in a new city/state and I know very few people. It's an adjustment, for sure - but I recognize how good this is for all of us. For Zoe, she's learning to stick to a schedule. She's waking up early and getting ready and focusing on being on time. She's memorized her student number, buys her own lunch and turns in her daily work folder. She's making friends, learning so much and is a little chatterbox when I pick her up. Pick up is a ordeal. Parents start lining up along the curb well over 30 minutes before school is let out. One teacher signals to the others what student is being picked up a

After celebrating Zoe's birthday three times, (school, family, party) her preschool graduation, Zoe & Finn's end of school year party, our seven year wedding anniversary, their dance recital and their first play all within three weeks time, we finally have time to focus on our big move to Houston. Daniel and I have been giving things to friends, and making donations of a bunch of clothing to clear out our closets and cabinets.  We've been pulling our framed photos and knickknacks of all of our bookshelves (per our real estate agents suggestion) and moving furniture around to get ready for the house to be shown while we are in Houston looking for our new home. We'll be gone for 10 days. Daniel has a meeting and some presentations to make and the rest of our time will be devoted to getting to know the city a bit and hopefully fall in love with an area and specifically, a house. I'm nervous and excited and completely overwhelmed with everything we need to do

Earlier today, Zoe asked me (for the 1st time) about the scars on her forehead. Frankly, I was sort of surprised she hadn't asked me sooner. Zoe is very interested in her appearance - I wouldn't say overly so, but she is on top of what she will wear daily and she does make hairstyle requests. I took a deep breath and told her someone was not driving safely and they accidentally ran their car into ours (September 27, 2009). I told her that her and Finn's car seats kept them safe, but glass from her window got her. She asked me if it hurt my heart and I said it did, but that I felt like that day was one of the luckiest of my entire life. She asked me "It could have been much worse?" I said yes and she said: "If I had gone to heaven I would have always been with you still." And my heart broke a little, but I told her she was right and that I'm glad that she's with me now. She said she wished the marks would go away, that they aren't very pre

This time last week, I was making a formal announcement to our friends, family and acquaintances on Facebook. You know, because it's real once you publish it as your status - which is kind of funny considering there was a time when it wasn't "real" until after I'd published a blog about it. My how times have changed.... In any case, our big announcement was a long time coming: We're leaving California (Bakersfield, specifically) and heading east - to Houston, TX. And when I say "long time coming", I mean it. For years we've tossed the idea back and forth. Texas friends and family wanted to know if we'd ever relocate (Daniel is from Texas, went to UT, and we got married in San Antonio) and we always said, "Maybe someday." We put it off for as long as we could. On quite a few occasions, people came to Daniel asking him about various locations/positions and his answer was "Not yet." First, I was pregnant, and then we had a