Inevitably Keely

I'm talking about weight loss people - WEIGHT LOSS. Last week, Daniel and I joined a gym. After years of pretty much not exercising, we decided we needed to be proactive about our health. Last week, I felt like a was making a positive life change. I was excited and hopeful and empowered. I went to the gym for the first time yesterday. I was on an exercise bike for 25 minutes and did just over 5 miles - I felt like a superhero. I'm exaggerating a little bit, but I felt good. Today I went back and spoke with a personal trainer. After answering some questions she had about my expectations and habits, she started me on a cardio warm up. Kicked. My. Ass. And just when I was about to throw in the towel, she brought some guy over to me who announced he was going to "give me the workout of my life". Whoa. He also told me over and over that he could not believe I was 35. Nice. He brought me downstairs to assess my flexibility, balance and endurance. Within a few minutes...

Sometimes, we forget that Zoe isn't actually a teenager what with her vocabulary, sense of humor and intelligence. She watches us and the world around her so carefully and she really does take it all in. My little girl has an old soul. I remember thinking it as I watched her sleep as a newborn. I remember telling her not to grow up too fast when she slammed her door on me and quickly turned on her radio and cranked it loud; she was, after all - barely one year old. I worry sometimes, (like I'm sure all parents do) about how much she is like me. I witness her sensitivity on a daily basis. I see her eyes well up quickly if she accidentally makes a mess or if her little brother picks on her. I worry that I've let her see me cry too many times and that I've made her feel less than safe. Our accident of course comes to mind here. I can still hear myself screaming and crying as that truck hit us. I wonder if she remembers? I wonder if she feels the same fear I do that it will...

A little over a year ago, I pitched a show for The Empty Space. It was a good pitch for a project that I was passionate about doing. I had a connection with the show for years - doing it fresh out of high school, relating to it as recently separated woman dealing with a tiresome divorce and then again as a mother of two young children. I connected with a director who I knew would do the piece justice, who I very much wanted to work with and become friends with. Everything fell into place perfectly. But we decided not to do the piece I had wanted to do. The timing wasn't right and we were concerned about the large size of the cast and the limitations we'd need to overcome. We decided to put that show on the backburner and we chose another. We entertained various options until we made our final decision: Hay Fever by Noel Coward. For months, all my extra energy went toward the show. I spent hours online searching for costume pieces and doing research for the actor's pa...

I turn 35 tomorrow and I'm feeling bummed about it. I know that's silly. It's not so much the getting older - it beats the alternative, right? Birthdays just feel sort of lonely; they have for years. I had no friends during my first marriage (I wasn't allowed to aside from the people I worked with and I needed to keep those relationships professional) and there was never any celebrations unless he let my parents be involved. My big yearly gift for six years was that he would try not to yell or be mean to me, but I always did something to screw that up. I couldn't just let him be a nice guy, I was always doing something wrong. I know that I am lucky. I have a best friend who also happens to be my husband and we have two beautiful children. We laugh every day and I know that I am far from the life I used to have. Birthdays just feel anticlimactic, I guess. It doesn't feel any different from any other day, it just feels the same. I try to be excited ...

Last night, Daniel and I attended rehearsal for Hay Fever and then stayed a bit for the after party. We’d have loved to stay longer, but it needed to be an early night for us so we could relieve our new babysitter by 9:30. We left in good spirits. I snagged a cookie as we were leaving (a roadie) and I was happy. It was my second rehearsal since coming down with the plague (I didn’t actually have the plague, per se) and it felt great to be out of the house and with friends. Our rehearsal space is a quick jaunt from our house. We like to say that the Taylor’s are our neighbors even if they don’t live next door, exactly.... ten minutes is practically down the block. Easy. We were right on schedule for walking in our door at 9:30 when we hit a red light. We stopped (because that's what you do at red lights: STOP) and chatted very relaxed and cheerfully as we waited for our green. I remember thinking it felt like a long red light considering there wasn’t really anyone else out when...

Finn didn't start talking as soon as Zoe did - he didn't need to. Zoe would talk for herself and for him and he seemed alright with that set up for a while. And then slowly the watchful boy started making up his own language. Zoe caught on quickly, helping us translate and so began "Finn speak". "Bye-bye's" were any type of transportation there was, but now they're just cars. He says airplane, truck, bus, train now. He will also say "I wanna go bye-bye." which means exactly what it sounds like or it means he wants to go to the car. "Nigh-nigh" is bedtime and bedroom (it's a universal term). "Zoo-ee" is Zoe "Ra-ra's" are dogs and sometimes they're lions too, but only sometimes. He says Mama, Mom, Dad, Daddy, Baba, Nana, Grammy, Cheryl and Chuck. He says Yes, No, Please, Thank you, Welcome, I love you and I'm sorry. "Juice" is any liquid. Recently, he...

I’m not a petite person. If you called me thin, slim or skinny, it would be because it’s opposite day. I guess you could say I’m curvy. I was this way before I had my two beautiful kids and I’m even more so now. In any case, I’m definitely plus sized. I’d love to not be plus sized and occasionally I get the inclination to make life changes to be a healthier person, but more often than not I give in to stress eating or just ridiculous cravings. It’s something I beat myself up over every single day. I don’t need other people beating me up too. For the past few months, I’ve been getting weekly emails from the medical group that I go to for all my “women’s health” needs. I signed up for these emails when I registered for their web portal. I was promised the ability to “receive timely health information, manage [my] own health care, and stay in touch with [my] physicians”. Sounds good, right? Well, in recent weeks I’ve repeatedly received messages about how I can now receive a free consult...

I should start off by saying that I think the whole idea that because Finn is a boy we are destined to lots of accidents, stitches, broken limbs, etc is totally not cool. Not cool, but (let's face it) still very true. Just about anyone who has ever met my son knows he's... um, active. He lives to climb trees, walls, bookcases, dressers, dollhouses, etc. My son looks at everything in terms of "Can I scale it?" or "Can I demolish it?" or "Can I build something, scale it and then demolish it?" Just this past Monday I was telling friends that I'm of the mind that he needs to fall a few times and learn that he's not invincible, and that maybe then he'd quit climbing. Other people watch him do what he loves best and I can see them having internal freak outs. Daniel and I, on the other hand just shake our heads and let him have at it. It's not that we want him to get hurt, we were just kind of indifferent to it. We were waiting for the in...

* - This post is about bodily functions and potty training. If you are going to be grossed out by this (maybe you should read "Everyone Poops") you should probably just click out of this and go do something else. If you're not afraid (or you are an experienced potty trainer and/or parent/parent-to-be) go ahead and read this. Just don't say I didn't warn you. ;) About an hour ago I was sitting at my computer working on trying to write (which hasn’t come easily at all for a long time now) when all of a sudden I felt something warm on my foot. Like, shock to the system warm that immediately made my brain think I was bleeding, except there was no pain. I looked down at my foot and then up at my son who was completely naked. He had just peed on me. Inside, I screamed (because EW! he just peed ON MY FOOT!) but on the outside, I was calm. Well, fairly calm. “Finnegan Emery. We’re not supposed to pee on people!” He looked at me with that lower lip sticking far out (he’s ...

Daniel and I met a little less than a month before Valentine’s Day 2003. We both said we were happy not being in relationships. We were having fun. We were friends who had a lot of fun together as much as we possibly could. As February 14th approached, we made fun of all the hoopla and dramatics. As Valentine’s Day approached I told myself to play it cool. Yes, I was falling in love and I was totally scared of the implications of that. No, I was not going to let on to how I was really feeling. But that didn’t stop me from making him a Valentine. My first homemade Valentine, ever. I remember stretching out on the floor and carefully choosing the words and images I wanted to paste to the background. My quick, easy, not serious Valentine turned into a bit more of a project than I’d set out wanting it to be. By the time I was done, it was actually a series. Not one card, but 4 carefully thought out collages. We had a show that night and I was picking Daniel up so that we could drive togeth...

There were parts of last year that were rough. If you know us well, you know what I am talking about, so I’m not going to do a recap. Been there, lived through all that. Moving on. There were also plenty of joys. The births in our family and chosen family and pregnancies announced. Weddings, engagements and anniversaries. Taco nights at our house. Hat parades. Dance parties. Baking/Cooking with the kids. Buying our home. Finding purpose by becoming involved with my favorite non-profit theatre. Time behind my camera, working on my craft. So what will this year hold for me and mine? I’m not sure. But I’m feeling optimistic and hopeful of what lies ahead. I’m not really a resolution person normally, but I do have a wish/goal list: 1. Eating healthy and continuing with my work to be a healthier person. Cutting out red meat and pork helped me a great deal last year. 2011 is the year I will see more dramatic changes. 2. Cooking at home even more and having people over more. Movie and game ni...